ok as you can tell this is a ridiciously long entry, cause i won't be updating it very often with my upcoming finals, which are gonna make or break my entire university life, i swear if i screw my finals up i really am gonna kill myself, as in seriously stab myself to death or something not as pleasant..


The EX files

Was thinking about the conversation I had with Rachel the other day. It had started out innocently enough with me talking about presents, cause I was wondering what presents I should get for my friends back home. Then she suddenly burst out well 'if it was for your boyfriend's ex, have the bloody decency to get her a nice pair of earrings and not some shitty ones on purpose just due to the fact that your boyfriend getting you to go shopping with him for a present for his EX!' so the story goes that her ex had brought his current girlfriend shopping for her birthday present and the evil malicious person convinced him to buy the most ghastly looking pair of earrings on earth, saying that he should trust her taste cause..(supposedly) girls know exactly what other girls want.
It got me thinking, would you even keep in contact with your ex much less go through so much effort to buy them a birthday present? Would you be the sort who would some how dig deep down to complete sever all emotional feelings towards that particular someone who you probably (sometime during the good days of your relationship) thought you might marry or commit to something equally serious in the future? No matter how difficult and impossible it might seem. Wouldn't it be the possibly one of the most painful things one would have to endure esp. when it comes to young love? Ah.. young love, so beautiful, so tender and heartbreak is so very excruciating..

It's just me but would you still keep in contact with your ex? I know it might seem petty and daft on my part but I most definitely would belong in the category that severs every single tie, refuse to call or see him for the rest of my life if i can help it, and avoid any of the areas where he most possibly would hang out. Ensuring that I most certainly steer clear of even mentioning anything remotely connected to him lest the conversation turns to him. If you and your boyfriend, correction - ex, were really close would you want to be told that he now has a new girlfriend and from the looks of it, enjoys her company more than he did yours, worse still if they were all intimate and his parents sure as hell prefer her to you. It won't help by the fact that she's prettier, more intelligent, has a nicer figure, more charm, and bigger achiever, looks better in the exact same outfit, much more talented, or what have you not. You want to be secure knowing that he's miserable, gone all the downhill, degenerated, reduced to nothing since the split and regretting the very day he turned his back on you. The more extreme his suffering, the better. Not that he's enjoying life without you, in fact even more so than when he was with you. Once you get over the bitter vindictiveness, you start to go delirious obsessing on what they're doing at that very moment in time, what he qualities of hers you lack, what aspects of dating her he prefers to your, that sort of thing. My hat's off to you if you can skip this entire phase or even survive it.

What about those who, let's say, is on her first relationship with a guy who has had a string of ex-s before her? (hey, I'm not being unfair by stereotyping these hypothetical characters, it usually IS the case, happens more often than you would know) I'm gonna start generalizing on this, so don't get offended should I be wrong in my thinking, but when you're with someone with a 'history' don't you want to know every single detail about their past relationships, what they did together, what presents he got for her and vice versa, what words were especially special to them, where they went out to (you wouldn't want to go to a place where he had sentimental times with his ex, right? Lest it conjures up memories of them together for him, and that's the last thing you really need), when did they start dating, why did they get together, what he loved about her and vice versa, how far he they have gone together, how long they had been together for, why they broke up, and more. On the other hand, you rather not know anything at all the most information you feel might not hurt is the number of those before you. But somehow his dating history really intrigues you, and when you happen to stumble upon a little tidbit of info about ex number don't-know-what, you wince at the truth of that and it nags at the your curiosity. Thus it fuels your intent to find out everything one could possibly know about that ex and the more you delve into areas that you were never meant to come across, the more you hate what you've discovered but as it would go, your thirst to know everything overwhelms you and this force drives you to complete digging up all those skeletons. Would knowledge really empower you? Or would it just mess with your mind, and everything else along with it? Let's say when a couple's cuddling together or whatever, is it normal for the girl to think, has he done whatever we’re doing now with his exs? If yes, then how many, oh gosh, what if he enjoyed it more with ex number 5 then me? Is he comparing me to her now? Or even to more than 1 of his exs? Has he even matched me up to her or even them! in other instances before this? Oh god, I'm probably ranked lower then them, or what if I'm doing right now is exactly the same as ex number 3 and he's thinking of her now? Were her kisses better than mine? What if he kissed whatever exs with more fervor than me? What if that specially planned date of dinner/walk along the beach/ (insert whatever else romantic ideas for dates here) was what he used to do with her?

However despite all his reassurances that he's never done whatever with his ex, doesn't think of her, he loves you more than all of them combined, insist they're not as great as you, you're the most important thing to him, doubts persist and linger in your mind, and you simply can't help but think that he's just saying that to make you feel better. Then it occurs to you, do all the little pet names he gives you were what he used for ALL his exs? Or worse, they used it for him!!! What little knick knacks lying around his room were from them? All those constant reminders of their happier times together surrounding you and that would truly mess with your head.

To aggravate matters further, would he have put a particular characteristic/ thing she did really well/ things they did together or worse, his entire ex on some pedestal, and ever once in a while muse over that and eventually it would result in him unconsciously thinking she is better than she really was. But by then it would be near hopeless for you to live up to the excessively elevated and warped standard/expectation he has fixed in his mind. Then you're screwed big time.

Maybe someone happened to mention en passant that your guy had cheated on one of his exs? Well that obviously would be a taboo subject that if you had half a mind would steer clear of, but then the forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest (someone should revise that saying and add but it's after taste is the most bitter or something to that effect). Then it really starts festering in that cranium of yours till it become so unbearable that you have to find out what had happened, why he had strayed, what did the 'other' person have that his current one didn't, had the other person (for the lack of a better word) seduced him or had he willingly gone to her, had the other party reciprocated knowing that she was the 3rd person in the relationship (or was THAT her intention all along), or was it for the thrill of having something you know you shouldn't, or maybe he just couldn't choose between the two? After a million more questions pertaining to that have arisen, the question of that had happened after that ie how she discovered that she had been in the dark all that while. What were the consequences of her finding out, had she found out from a friend, or did the guy's enemy inform her out of hatred and contempt for the straying boyfriend? Did he admit it eventually, used it as a basis to break up with her, or did he do it to spite her, or he had accidentally blurted it out? Perhaps he wasn't very through at covering his tracks, sloppily leaving discriminating clues unknowingly, or did she have to see it first hand the two of them together oh so intimately? Rooted to the spot, tears welling in her eyes, anger bubbling within her, at a loss at what to do. Ok fine maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic.. but what if..WHAT?????

More things could come to you like
If he was dumped what were the reasons that they dumped him. Was he too can't be bothered with things, didn't really make time to go out with you, hardly replied your messages, seemed more distant as the relationship progressed? I don't imagine that they would have tired of him or thought he wasn't good enough for them.
Or he dumping them for that matter, what happened, for what reason had the relationship crumbled so badly to the extent that they could not have worked through whatever differences, how did he break it to her, did he tell her face to face, was it more of a mutual break, or was she pleading for him to reconsider, how did he feel after that, they did seize any chances after that to reconcile. What other circumstances?
Did any of them spend their nights tossing and turning everything replaying in their head feeling a tinge of regret and unease wishing things hadn't turned out that way? Would have one resorted to threatening to spill all details about their relationship to the last people the other party wanted informed about all the saucy little bits?

Then you think how many of them have met his parents? What did she wear to meet them, probably spent countless hours deciding on the perfect outfit and hairstyles that would impress them but not seem like she's been trying so hard? Did he go through possible outcomes of the evening, listing taboo subjects, ideal choice topics, things to do and what not to do?
Did his parents immediately approve of his girlfriends, possibly falling in love with them, silently praising their son for such a marvelous catch? Where, how, and when did he introduce her to his parents, and how? Did it go like 'oh mom and dad, I want you to meet so and so my girlfriend' emphasizing on the label girlfriend. Did he put his arm around her waist while proudly unveiling his prized possession to his parents?
Was the meeting in some glitzy restaurant, country club, or their favorite eatery, extended family gathering or even at their home? If it was in their home, then were the family members lounging around in their familiar territory, totally at ease, less formal and warmer towards her when inviting her into their house. Or would they be scrutinizing every mannerism of hers, that tiny little twitch, her twiddling thumbs, the way she nervously chews her lip, or even the way she sits, carries herself, her manners, or whatever little body movement that could tell them more about her than either she or their son would let on. Would they analyze her clothes, accessories, make up, shoes, hairstyles to gauge her character? Should they fail to get any info subtly they'll switch to plan B ie interrogation and intimidation??


Would she be pleasant yet casual or proper and polite, witty but coming across as slightly aloof? Could she possibly be so charming that they would be complete taken in with her captivating ways? What if his parents had already made up their mind about her before they even got to meet her, much less know her? What if his girlfriend and his parents had an unfortunate run in resulting in them totally hating her after that, making them come to the final conclusion that she's bad news and won't ever be good enough for their darling little boy? They could suspiciously view her as a threat, trying to figure out her ulterior motive for going steady with their son, thinking that she might be with him for her own selfish gain, like after him only for his good looks, his talent, money, sex? Or is he simply a trophy boyfriend for her arm to show off and get guys jealous? Thus would form this wrong idea in their head that she's some self centered arrogant malicious condescending haughty snide bitchy vindictive shallow little slut with a selfish agenda that would only leave their son hurt when she’s through with him.

What would she have to do to gain their approval and trust, to finally be accepted by them? It won't be enough for the guy to try to reason to his parents, once you have a particular impression etched in your mind, it stays there, even after years. Would they go through all the trouble to intentionally make it very difficult and awkward for her when they finally meet up? Now the Spanish inquisition begins.. Drudging up uncomfortable things enjoying watching her squirm as she cautiously tries to breech the subject but alas, no matter what answers she carefully plans in her head so as not to offend anyone, they could twist it against her, either way she's walked defenseless into a lion's den and if she's lucky the lions were fed recently [refer to entry couple of days back about that strange strange man]

Fine I AM being too exaggerated in certain areas, but that doesn't mean some poor person somewhere around the world didn't fall victim to the above scenario.. well someone commented that i should start a novel about the inner workings of some neurotic paranoid haughty insecure yet narcasstic schizo female since i sound like that half the time, i think i'll take that as a compliment..

21:24

If I had all the gold in fort Knox, let's see that would be 4603 tons of gold bricks, each weighing bout 27.5 pounds, with the current market rate of US$356 per ounce, each brick would be bout US$184,400..
And let's see, that multiplied by 4603 bricks.. WWWHHHHEEEEEEEE!!

Hmmm that would be able to get me at least
- a place in central waterfront property, with my own speed boat, cruisers, yacht. Hey, I'll even be able to form my own team for America's cup.. (provided I pass my power boat test) but then again i can always get people to sail me in my luxury liner or something.

- properties at the Swiss and Italian alps, Seville, New England, Maldives, Bahamas, Barcelona, Phuket, France, Luxembourg, Venice, certain areas of Aussie and what have you not

- my own stretch of beaches, or maybe one of those little islands for myself, aaaahhh a nice deserted island what a romantic get away

-spend the minimum of 5 and a half weeks at the Louvre, to appreciate every single work, then it's off to the rest of Continental Europe for Art Appreciation -- where I'll go art shopping and get myself a couple of van Gogh, David, Ingres and other old master works.

- every single one of my dream cars, esp. the classics, like perhaps a Bentley azure, that lovely cream coloured classic jaguar and perhaps one in Jag racing red..

- at least 7 (i like 7) storey home library crammed with tomes ranging from history to fashion to slightly more contemporary works, and art history books

- put my siblings through their dream colleges, for my sister it would be Cordon Bleu in France, and as for my brother, he's undecided well you can't expect a 11 year old boy to decide what universities he wants to attend right? But right now, I'll just get him whatever computer games, game boys, play stations, x-boxes he wants, oooooo maybe those arcade games too. Last night when i talked to him he wanted some halo game that he assured me wasn't a game where you kill humans but aliens instead so it really isn't detrimental to one's mental well being, or so he says..

- Try to repay my parents back for what they've done for me all these years, maybe nice retirement fund for them to travel around the world, and whatever else they might want to do

- Buy tiffany's and co., including all the paltry luxuries in life ie. Chanel, Manalo, Jimmy Choo, Dior, or maybe those darling little Gucci watches I like so much..

- Invest 1/6 in stocks, shares and bonds, not forgetting properties and what have you not.. after stashing at least 60% of it in a total secure bank account, never to be touched till my retirement, though I don't think I would ever bother working with all this money

- Give munificent amounts to the deserving, and for humanitarian aid like medical supplies and removal of land mines programmes

- Contribute funds to the UN
and still have plethora left over for organizations, esp. AIDS and impoverished third world countries..

But the current main priority is to darken my room back home, it's so bright! How can anyone function properly, much less enjoy themselves in such a bright atmosphere!

Other than that, Who said money can't buy happiness?

23:32

i had no idea about the hoo haa about halo 2 which actually has occult status thought it was just this somewhat unknown game that my brother wanted for christmas, that's just embarrassing considering that i only recognised the game after seeing it splashed all over billboards and the sides of buses here in Aussie, i really have been living under a rock, man..

22:51

ooooooooooooooooo wish me luck! i'm going for my english oral now! i'll update you on them later.. hope i get a nice topic to go on and on and on and on about.. the thing is we're encouraged to ramble for oral here! cool beans!

14:19

You know what? I'm really starting to like Australian radio, it's simply crazy, it would have been the perfect station to tune in whenever we were in the studio, it's like talking crap all the time..
There was one instance when the DJ asked for people to call in and tell them their experience of trying to raise the dead from the grave, or just stir up the spirits. It so happened that both the DJs had tried over the weekend to summon the walking date so they could have a change from their usual Halloween routine. Not surprisingly no one really called, just to say that the DJs were psycho and then the topic deviated to something equally silly, I decided to just go and sleep instead.

Anyway, as you know about the delta Goodrem and Mark what's his face hoo-hah right? Of course you have, it's ONLY been the talk of the town, oops, correction of the city, I mean state, nay, the whole freaking continent! I can't go and buy my Vogue magazines and Black+White, without seeing magazine and magazine with her face plastered all over them, and the headings trying to incite anti Paris sentiments as well as sympathize with poor old Delta.
All over the radio, esp. this one show 'Kyle and Jackie O show' that asked all listeners to send in their thoughts about 'poor Delta being dumped for that two bit yank whore (ie Paris Hilton)' and they sent someone all the way around the globe to 'hunt her down, stalk her and scold her with the entire complied list of comments of Australia' and also beat her up should the Australian representative feel like it. After all, Australia's sweetheart has been greatly wronged after being dumped by the tennis player for the airhead. Then the Kyle host was like, 'ok we're gonna start a protest and demand that Sony withdraw Delta's current hit, 'out of the blue' [or something like that] and put on another track from her CD, hey man, she's had her heart broken mate!!!!'
The DJs had bought all of this month's magazines which *surprise surprise* featured the whole shenanigan. It was apparently reported that the reason for Paris targeting Mark was cause he had broken Tara Reid's heart before, so by getting Mark was rubbing salt, vinegar, acid, mercury in her face. All this for some stupid falling out after their cat fight on who was a better friend to Lindsay Lohan. What are they thinking man? (or rather they DON'T think at all) Do they not have anything inside their tiny little craniums? I guess not..
Ok it gets better, then Paris was happily proclaiming that 'he was the best lover I've ever had', and we all know how many she has had. Kyle retorted saying 'Well, according to my direct and very reliable sources, it's quite contrary, he good? *snorts and sniggers* but I won't say more otherwise I might end up in court forced to reveal my sources. We wouldn't want that now would we'..


Everything in quotation marks have been quoted word for word, (well almost anyway)

13:09

hilarious story i watched on the news the other week..

TAIPEI, Taiwan - A man leaped into a lion's den at the Taipei Zoo on Wednesday to try to convert the king of beasts to Christianity, but was bitten in the leg for his efforts.

'Jesus will save you!' shouted the 46-year-old man at two African lions lounging under a tree a few meters away.
'Come bite me!' he said with both hands raised, television footage showed

One of the lions, a large male with a shaggy mane, bit the man in his right leg before zoo workers drove it off with water hoses and tranquilizer guns.
Newspapers said that the lions had been fed earlier in the day, otherwise the man might have been more seriously hurt ... or worse.

13:21

they misunderestimated me
-bush

07:14

this is not good, it really isn't! ok 4 years will pass soon enough and we'll have another election, where there would be a strong oppostion candidate who won't give up after coming so far, and thrash it out with bush so that the world can be a free place with basically no stupidity in politics and leadership..
till then we're screwed..

06:39


12:44


03:19

I've got some problematic neighbour, he keeps blasting linkin park early in the morning and other unearthly hours. I just realised that LP has really strong bass, I could feel the bass resonating (the guy has a major subwoffer) and from all the constant *boom boom booms* I'm totally convinced he faces it in my direction, don't take it like I hate linkin park, I actually think they're good besides they remind me of all the crazy guys I've known..
for one there's my brother who's easily the cutest thing on earth, even cuter than my pooh classics toys or my pet elephant and apricot, grey and whatever else stuffed animals I have.. Whenever he's in my room, we always end up putting linkin park on, he's trying to learn their songs (but to no avail) whilst ness is super against that, anyway he's so cute, always rewinding to a particular part to catch the lyrics he misses which eventually annoys the hell out of me so I'll continue hunting for the lyrics booklet otherwise I would die with overkill of their music, but the thing is my brother tends to swallow his words and mummur when he's singing with the exception of several random words he shouts mid way through the song, his singing lacks all the inner angst of the linkin park singers, derek's more like.. erm.. jay chou? yeah, their singing ie articulation of words are pretty much the same..
Oh my mom's also against them, whenever we're in her car and Derek requests in that cute little voice with matching puppy dog eyes, to pop in the CD just for a teeny weeny while, we usually get a NO WAY MAN! from her..

Hmmm, the next guy would be toot, my AEP teacher, miss his crazy antics. Well during the SARS holiday last year, we had to go back to the studio to get started on our projects, then toot and I went through our CD swapping ritual and it so happened that both of us had the meteora album. Anyway, he kept commenting that i should do my painting, photography and prep boards like the inside of their CD lyrics booklet, pointing frantically to this black and white picture of the aerial view of spray cans, blah blah blah what else, i wasn't really paying attention, was too busy thinking of ways to get the pictionary box down for some HAPPY PLAY TIMMMEEE!!!!
Anyhow, god knows how commentaries about good tracks on the CD escalated into some strange puerile debate on which song was better, he was pro-faint whilst I was pro-breaking the habit,
ok so the story progresses, there were 2 CD players in the studio, so we had this psycho competition blasting our respective songs at each other. Then he was trying to groove to his song???!!!??? (It was hilarious watching that, really should have recorded that) And I was imitating those whacked rockers jamming on my air guitar with those on stage jumps and all as well as singing on my imaginary mike (but was looking cool!.. I'm not deluded man) I swear whoever walked passed the studio that time would think we've both lost our minds.
I'm surprised no one reported us to some mental institute or something.. though i think goat was tempted to, he just walked past us giving us that look, tsking away.. in his head was running - SEE! she's not doing her work AGAIN!! i'm about to strangle her to death, then gouge out her brains and bash her head in like what she does to her tubes of oil paints.. or soemthing to that effect..

I know you all who know toot would think I've lost it for good, but I really do think he's cool in his own way, lily and Joanne would agree with me on that, during our CD swapping sessions, he grew to like Norah Jones, (though he says it put goat to sleep, maybe that's why he likes it..damn..!!) White Stripes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs all thanks to moi (ooooohhh when I first told him about the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, he insisted I made up that made to mess with him, then was totally shocked when I passed him their CD) and cause of him, I ended up getting 3 doors's away from the sun after stealing his copy for almost a month, he wouldn't have remebered if i had return the black art folio (AHA! but the art folio's still with mmmeeeee! HA!) hmmm also matchbox 20's CD but I was really anti borrowing his coldplay album which he kept insisting was good, ick, not good thing to listen to..
Hmmm.. I wonder what happened to toot now? Note to self: message him when I get back..

Well listening to LP mostly conjures up memories of the last night in Thailand with bouncing people on the corner bed near the windows (ie me and someone else), strawberry doughnuts, Hagen dazs ice cream, expensive chocolate, 2L bottles of Pepsi, chuppa chups, spiderman??? *raises eyebrows*

Yeah.. linkin park music IS nice, brings back so much fond memories.. sigh..
my neighbour chouldn't have choosen a better band to blast..

00:36

pity couldn't celebrate halloween here, now i don't get candyyyyyyy!!! *whines*

14:30