la Petite Danseuse de Dix-Neuf Ans

2007-10-16T12:13:00.000+08:00

ok besides the fact that it is a scorching 34 degrees out i'm really really envying ness with the 7 degree temp she's having right now. the worst thing is it's only gonna get worse and how the hell am i to study in such heat? then again i realise that i mostly do all my studying late at night so the question should be how the hell am i gonna sleep and go to uni with such blistering temperatures??!!?

i'm really praying very hard that ed can visit me in sydney right after my exams but the earliest he can pop by is 14th when i'm being evicted from college on the 17th. so maybe i can extend my stay for another week and it'll be all fun and happy when he's here going crazy eating with me =)

i'm gonna miss sydney uni and newtown food area and my room and being a senior. sigh.

just finished a pretty crappy counselling test. alan craddock should have questions that assess you on the practical usage of counselling skills. like write what you would say to someone who .... lalalala. then defend your answer. that would be fun and dandy. fortunately we're the last batch of communication and counselling kiddos, heard from claire that the replacement unit of study is health psychology.

boring.

but as long as i'm not doing it. that's fine with me.

2007-08-20T21:36:00.000+08:00

the past 3 days have been very hard for me to say the least.
after swinging on the pendulum between overwhelming sadness, regret, immense sorrow, self directed anger and the numbness, i've tried pulling myself together but it's been so difficult.
getting out of bed was a chore. this morning when i woke up, for a fleeting moment i thought, aw damn it i'm alive, now i have to face another day of living heartache. then i proceeded to just lie in bed wishing that everything would just end.
i've got 11 more days to get over the urge to burst into tears during lectures if not the overliberal DSM IV would have me diagnosed with clinical depression. i'm all listless, and when i blank out during feeble attempts at studying, it's quite startling to discover that they are almost for an hour at a time. so before i knew it my weekend was gone, just like that. in a hazy of conflicting and compounding feelings.
i'm so tired yet i can't sleep, but i forced myself to get out of bed to cheer myself up even if i was not gonna be productive at all.
so lugged myself down to newtown to just get myself surrounded by books. books, museum, flowers, happy novelty items usually hit the spot in the lifting my spirirts department. even if only for a short while. but it's better than nothing.

in my hazy state i was inexplicably drawn to the florist, it was so beautiful and calming to be enveloped by lush colourful lively flowers. it was then i decided that i should get a potted plant to keep me company, just because i'm single, doesn't mean i have to be alone. potted flowers always bring me the fond memory of my grand dad gardening and the afternoons where we would spend in the brilliant sunshine. so it was some comfort and solace in getting a simple white cyclamen plant.
the more vibrant coloured ones seemed somewhat vulgar in contrast to my current mood, so an elegant white flowering plant was just the thing. the smooth unblemished pristine white petals just demanding so much delicate love and handling. it's a small consolation for me to channel those very same affectionate actions to.

i can barely keep my thoughts in a coherent fashion. so tired but when i'm in bed, just thoughts of being alone and knowing that i probably did lose "the one" due to my wistful folly, keep me awake.
my mind can be so cruel, unintentionally i'm hoping. cause i don't know how much more of all our quiet heartfelt domestic or intimate moments being replayed in my dreams, then having nightmarish scenes of distorted reality spliced into the scene, causing me to jerk awake and being deprived of the ability to drift back into peaceful sleep.

i'm really sorry kitty. i really do hope we can work things out.

2007-08-17T18:07:00.001+08:00

ok it's friday (ie day 6) and still no smses or calls or anything. still no idea what he's playing at.
like i started off with last entry i've had plenty of time to think about it then i came up with a possible explaination into his behaviour.

despite him citing that he wants everything to work out in the long term he has major reservations about the situation in 3 years time with balancing airforce training, me, our relationship and that big gapping hole.
he constantly brings it up over and over and over and over again, to the point of sounding like a skipping record, the all possible (and also improbably) permutations and combinations featuring the what ifs of those said factors.
so much so that he's unconsciously starting to act on the uncertainty of the situational factors.
by trying to assert whatever last remaining vestige of control he perceives himself to possess on the only factor he has any say in. our relationship.

so now he's unconsciously (or perhaps i give him too much credit) working on/against our relationship knowing full well that whenever there is silence (hence perceived distance) between us for long periods of time i start getting numb. God, learning and behaviour principles really are the basis of our actions. so now without any reinforcement of contact between us, my conditioned responses of being optimistic and feelings towards about our relationship is being slowly and (very sadly) surely extinguished.
and he knows that. so he's using that against me.

the whole communication silence if done intentionally is quite possibly one of the most dispicable things he could inflict. just the long silence reminds drudges up old unwanted memories of having to endure months of hanging onto a thread with no emails, no smses, no messages, nothing, all at the time when i was at my most vulnerable emotionally.

i reckon he wants me to initate some sort of invitation for an 'open relationship'.
why do i think this way you ask?

many reasons,
firstly he's been criticisizing and bringing up the shortcomings of vann's relationship saying that she's incapable of emotional consideration for others only thinking of herself otherwise why would she date the sad sod of her current squeeze just for her own emotional gratification of having a boyfriend but (not so) secretly pining for her ex. while the sad bugger continues to blindly pursue a one sided love relationship.
bringing vann up once or twice is alright but not almost every fifth conversation. not only that but his constant whinges of how airforce pilots always break up with their girlfriends, blah blah we won't be an exception, blah blah blah, even the guy who has been in a 4 year relationship couldn't avoid the curse, blah blah blah blah blah.
all this inspite of all my heartfelt reassurances that we'll work out.
so it's very clear that his resistance to even consider that there is truth in my reassurances reflects his own unconscious wish for him to be single so he can start fulfilling all his short term gratification.

just surpised that it took me so long to see that.

so his repressed thoughts start manifesting themselves in his petulant stance in not wanting to call or make contact for a long enough time so that i start feeling desensitized to our relationship then hopefully retailate to his behaviour and getting all worked up with my reknowned temper then in the process give him what he wants. an open invitation for an open relationship.
which is one hell of a selfish thing cause i'm not going to bend over and let myself get screwed if that's the case.

i know it's all sweet, romantic, wistful, sentimental waiting for your sweetheart at the end of the day then spending the rest of your lives with them. but it's superficial and quite frankly insulting when they pretend to be all magnanimous and say oh here's permission to see someone else, knowing that their property (ie you) are all safe knowing full well that you won't go off galavanting with randoms upon receving the open invite while they take the advantage.
it's bloody hypocritical and double standard at it's best (or worst, whichever way you look at it).

cause it is within my character to cut off the nose to spite the face. i'll regret it later on but the pull of self destructive satisfaction of my actions at that moment is always there to egg me on.

so hopefully i pray that the above thoughts are just over channelling stupid freudian psychoanalysis. but i have a nagging suspicion that it isn't the case.

please tell me i'm wrong

2007-08-15T15:05:00.000+08:00

last entry was pretty bleah come to think of it.. in short it's basically the annoying nagging voice that pops into my head whenever i'm having doubts about me, about my relationship and what is expected of me. and it also emerges when i'm jaded and annoyed with you know who you are.
but anyway that mindset is more the exception than my normal mindset of being optimistic, thinking and hoping like hell that everything works out.
minus the time i spend thinking "i really should be doing stats" (but right now i'm having this mild headache which i reckon comes from breathing all the fumes from long periods of colouring with permanent markers)
i just had quite a while to think this week with 4 days of not hearing a squeak from him. still a mystery why that's so. by yesterday morning i was thinking he better be dead or dying otherwise he doesn't have a good enough reason not to have made contact for so long. *shifty eye look* i know he's alive cause he's blatantly using facebook to mutual friends so it pops up in my mini feed. so now i'm extremely suss.
asked sammy on her opinion on that, she agrees it's weird but in spite of our usually very creative and productive brainstorming we couldn't churn out any plausible reasons for such behaviour. i really don't know what he's playing at and it used to bug me but now i'm pretty much getting over it.

2007-08-13T08:14:00.000+08:00

quite possibly for the very first time i truly feel like a responsible older sister to derek. last night i was helping him sort through possible subject combinations figuring it out with the subjects he likes, his strength and weaknesses.
it was quite a thrilling experience to be a good role model for derek.
it was also very sweet and exciting when he was sharing personal things about himself and his current love life. for a moment there i was thinking in my head hey wait, at sec 2 aren't you a bit young to pursuing a relationship? then i remembered that i was only a year older than him when i started one, which at that point i didn't really know the extent of how serious it would turn out. well 5 years since then i'm still in that very relationship.
somehow reflecting upon it, my first (read:only) relationship being 5 years and still going really does hold alot of implications for further personal dev several years down the road. if it doesn't work out, i'm stuffed to put it nicely.
with the said relationship being the template for future ones (if any) it's gonna be very hard to deviate from the mold, which agrees with my mom's view on this current relationship and scarily enough despite my mom's relational advice being whacked, it's actually extremely intuitive as nessy and i discovered.
but like she advised ness using me as an example, i'm really limiting myself to other choices which surely enough would ring through if everything doesn't work out.
man that's really intimidating just thinking about it.

anyhoo i'm going to get ready for class now. i'll continue this rambly bit later

2007-08-04T01:11:00.000+08:00

got this amazingly wonderful email from derek. such a great email that i have to share it.
really heartfelt hilarious way that describes my brother... as you can see bad spelling runs in the family.

mom ask me to type as im her hired secretary , she just came back from holy hour and is full of delicious items. she so cheap only da BAo 4 dumpling for me, so called my favourite . SO CHEAP!!! and never even get more!!!!
ness spent her bday out , breakfast dad , lunch friend and night for some gym concerthingy of dooom!!!

timothy ,theodores bro ,mathhews son and old 7am mass alter server , just in case u dunno him, quit RAF(royal air force)apparently they gave him a choice , he said that training was tough and laborious and ended up wating mageemee all the time and hes goin to australia to study (uwa) and may most probaly join sia (accept them only 25 years old).

thats all for now shes overbloated bein her usual piggy gluttony self. and me goin regatta tmr .
thank you for tuning into BBC news. pls watch us at 10 tmr to get updates on reggatta results.
and moms bein lame at the moment making me call bbc ddc , somnrthin like derek dad news or dead derek broadcasting
. sooooooooooooo laaaaaaammmmmmmeeeeeeee!!!!
and wiwi forever!!

fantastic email isn't it? i just adore him.

2007-07-27T02:53:00.001+08:00

awww one of the sweetest and more sincere things i've ever heard from ed.

don't lose any weight alright? cause that's the way i love you for who you are.

2007-07-26T02:37:00.000+08:00

i saw the promo for the new catherine zeta jones movie 'no reservations' i felt a pang of sadness cause that's not only the title of anthony bourdain's show it's a movie bout 2 chefs going at it in the mad world of upper class resturants and falling in love. then i recalled that i was hoping so badly that the movie would be out when i was back then ness and i could go watch it together since we quite often watch cooking shows together and it's nice to bond over girl flicks.

also realised that ness and i haven't gone out for a movie together. ever before. been with derek for dodgeball and fantastic four. and it was amazing how we irritated the hell out of ness by quoting our fave line of 'if you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball'.

oh! at least all three of us now have a special 'line' of kelso nailing your sister!

it's very strange that after 3.5 years of being in australia alone away from home, that i only really truly insanely miss my sister. it's like homesickness on delayed, make that very delayed timer. reckon it's cause this time round not only were we thick as thick thieves, it's the realisation that during christmas when i'm back, there would be this void of ness since she's in wisconsin!
i'm so upset just thinking bout that, so now i'm even more tempted to take up jen's catering job. i know that it's gonna pay really well. i'm guessing at least 400 for a day's work. probably more for me cause (not to blow my own horn, but i'll prob have a larger than average role in jen's kitchen/serving team)
all the money including tips from this catering job would go into the ''plane ticket for ness to come home during christmas cause it's means alot to her and the rest of the family'' fund.

just think of all the pain she would be going through, it's her first time alone in a foreign country and teamed with the holiday season which is so cruel for those alone, it's a concoction of instant and painful heartache. and i don't want that to happen to ness. if you know her chracter, it's not a healthy prognosis.

so yes, i'm missing ness insanely right now. to comfort myself i say stare mindlessly into 'my aquarium' and 'my garden'

2007-07-24T02:12:00.000+08:00

ok like i told ness 2 mins ago i'm dedicating this blog entry to julian.

i can already hear ed going.. 'lose respect'. but that's not the point.

called ness a few hours back interupting her desperate housewives, and she told me one of the most hilarious stories.

julian had called her only moments before and told her that when he was done smoking he chucked the ciggie butt on the ground, then he was caught by a police officer and told he would be slapped with a $200 fine for littering.

my natural response was to laugh her, (ness was stronger she managed to supress her laughter)

and so to evade forking out 200 he bolted.
and as fate would have it there was a whole bunch of policemen hanging around the area. and off they went in hot pursuit and finally one tackled him to the ground.

laughter elicited from me again. at this point ness couldn't not laugh.

and so now he has to face charges in court for resisting arrest and assaulting an officer.

more laughter from the both of us. and julian got upset that ness laughed.

but seriously, isn't that the natural response?

man he really truly is CMI.

2007-06-23T07:59:00.000+08:00

after going through all my learning material i thought to myself hey, i quite really like learning. it's straightforward and wow, there's actually a good chance i might get around a credit overall. (taking into account for my essay i'm starting like with a minus -20.)

but after the most gay exam in the history of pscyh exams. i'll be extremely glad to just pass.

horrid short answer questions were like.

what was pavlov's greatest acheivenments and how did it influence western psychology!!!!!!
seriously the last time i checked i was doing a course on learning and behaviour, not tribute orbituary writing 101. man i really adore you bob boakes, but WHAT THE HELL! SERIOUSLY! i had to write so much bullshit, it wasn't even good bullshit. so gonna fail. ARGH!! apparently was writing so furiously and exerting great pressure on my hand that i had paper friction burn (it's like carpet burn but on your hand from paper) which only really kicked in once the chief invigilator declared pens down and all the adrenaline went WHOOSH! right out of my system.

haha but i did like all the gags that ian NEVILLE johnston put in. got a couple of laughs from that. he's so random. he's great. awww i'm reminded of my really smart rat cause of him. such a lovely tutor. i really do feel bad for justin harris. he must think i hate him as a tutor or something that's why i'm rarely at his tutes.
but i've good reasons!
- one was cause it was my birthday and nise had specially come down to my campus to meet up! aww. she's such a darling.
- another was cause of the evil bout of food poisoning i had from that wretched pasta sauce. (ok ok food aversion i should know better than attribute it like that but that's learning principles for you)
- after kinda shredding my achilles heel on sunday night, my entire foot was swollen by morning cause i didn't elevate it when i was sleeping.
- i usually miss mondays cause on sundays out of little choice i had to consume the MSG laden slabs of ick meat which i've just discovered i've developed sensitivity to it with food allergies. so monday mornings my queasy gastrotract is hating me for it.

so it's not that i have anything against him, i really don't. i think he's a lovely tutor. it's just that the circumstances don't permit me to attend his classes.

2007-06-19T07:58:00.000+08:00

happy birthday kitty!

2007-06-18T15:29:00.000+08:00

YAY! gotten my tom jones 'help yourself' cd.

the title track is one of my all time tom jones fave, along with she's a lady, it's not unusual, burning down the house (with the cardigans) and sexbomb.

remembered as a child, i watched a show, i think it was the tom jones show, where he was dancing and singing she's a lady which why i really have this strange not so secret shame for his music.
but somehow, tom jones is right at home with my musical taste of dean martin, frank sinatra, ok a1 is incongruent to everything but it's still pivotal part of my music preferences.
man i'm really itchy right now, stupid muddy puddle water. going off to scratch till it bleeds or till it's less itchy, whichever comes first.

I WANT A SWAN LAKE TICKET!!!!!

2007-06-13T03:26:00.000+08:00

ok i can't believe that stupid jerk argued with me about MY food allergies.
seriously what the hell.
but i must admit that i was wrong, of course you know what i'm allergic to. not me. that would be silly for me to be aware of my OWN FREAKING food allergies.

bitch.

seriously no one likes you, even your friends turn around and apologise for your behaviour then later confide that they really can't stand you. so deal with it.

2007-06-08T02:44:00.000+08:00

i'm slouched all over the chair in the computer room, famished from the lack of red meat for the past 2 and a half weeks. pretty much convinced that my haemoglobin blood count has plummeted since. it's a combination of me avoiding the MSG laced meat slabs (not said in tender affectionate typical sandra way of saying slabs of meat) and the lack of any decent red meat around here. NOT EVEN VEAL for crying out loud. it's deprivation of basic liberties! how can i be parted from my red meat! HOW CAN I!
*wails*

been craving pasta as usual, i want full on traditional or close to traditional italian done pasta. sancta pasta has killed pasta for me. frank's should start making pasta like a good rich smokey based infused creamy carbonara or aglio oli, or neopolitian, or something!! I WANT PASTA!
and also on the side a gorgeous slab of red bloody marbled steak, oh wagyu burger! oh wagyu burger! neil perry i beeseech you, please open a grill style rockpool in sydney (at the melbourne prices of course) and i PROMISE YOU, swear on all pasta holy that i would go there every fortnight provided it's near me. OH PLEASE I BEG OF YOU! i will even cook in your kitchen for you! i'll pry christie's oysters with my bare hands instead of shucking them open. PLEASE! please please please please.

oh wait, isn't jen on leave today???? good i'll drag her to the courtyard cafe for my white truffles then off to leicdhart for the most marvellous pizza known to man. but then i have the sneaking suspicion that she's off with simon so my plans are mostly well just plans, nowhere close to reality.

so plan B. (B now representing bloody red steak, mmmm)
i reckon pho noodles down at newtown isn't too bad an option, 15 for 2 rather massive bowls. otherwise there's no red meat option down at newtown, unless you count tapas which is the biggest rip off since.. well people ripping off clothes from the racks during stella launch at target. i could go down to meat & wine, give them another chance to salvage their steaks. but that's like 32 not including bus fare. which is alot to gamble on meat & wine.

ah crud, where can i get good steaks in sydney!!!!!! maybe coogee, oh goodness the mash was beyond anything..

i just realise that i'm just typing anything that comes straight out of my head, thus the incoherent babling to myself. ok i'm off now, going to spend the next 10 mins googling steak places close by and then take a 3 hour nap before touching up my super shit assignment which i've long given up hope on.

2007-06-07T03:03:00.000+08:00

random: bob boakes has such a nice soft lilting english accent that i try hard not to drift off during lectures just so i can concentrate on his voice rather than the boring as evil evil hell learning material.

2007-06-01T03:53:00.000+08:00

in light of the whole underage drinking spike in hollywood, i was flipping through the legal drinking age of different countries. with 18 being the norm.
however imagine my surprise when i discovered that the minimum drinking AND purchasing age in italy was 14!
i expected it to be 16 considering the country's love for wine and food (my assumption wasn't off with france clocking in 16)

but 14! wowser.

it's also amusing to note that in isle of man the minimum drinking age is.. 5!
it was stated that in the UK it's illegal to give a child under 5 alcohol unless it is for medical purposes or in emergencies. WHAT??

have absolutely no idea as to what would constitute an emergency to be giving such a young child alcohol! sobering up is NOT one of them jen. but seriously what medical purpose would require you giving the child alcohol.

the world is so weird.

2007-05-31T01:52:00.000+08:00

so here's the lowdown on my last patrizio concert the 28th.

patrizio recounted what had happened during his melbourne performance (either the 13th or 14th of may), he met the children he had up on stage to accompany him to l'italiano last year, later he was pulled aside by the children's grandmother and was told that the father of one child, carla was involved in an accident and passed away on the 11th, just several days before. her father and her were passionate fans of patrizio and she requested un angelo to be played at his funeral cause she 'believes in angels'.

he continued stating how difficult it was for him to express his emotions of grief, deep sorrow and admiration for her, being a small child of around 10 losing her father so suddenly, unexpectedly and before his concert which they were looking forward to.
he felt her pain having lost his beloved father to virulent cancer at the age of 17.
so he called her up to the stagehe and proceeded to dedicate un angelo (the italian version of robbie william's angels) to carla's father , pulling up the bar stool for her to sit while he gave the most genuine heartfelt passionate rendition of un angelo, all the while you could see carla wiping her tears away with her sleeve. patrizio just pressing her head to his chest and stroking her hair, hugging her whenever tears started streaming down.
i too was on the verge of tears knowing that while he was singing that song, he was closing his eyes envisioning his father, and feeling him near - the reason as to why he's doing what he's doing.
it's all for his father.

with the deep baritone voice hauntingly fills the air, i could just imagine that for carla, her father was there with her too. it was easily the most honest and heart wrenching thing i've ever witnessed.

after the last notes faded into the heavy atmosphere, he knelt down and hugged her so tight whispering words of comfort while she was crying on his shoulder, my heart really went out to her having seen her small body heave with her violent sobbing.

the appaluse resounded, with the audience sniffing and wiping away their own tears.

his stage presence and the emotions, the soul he puts behind his music is so amazing that he could move the audience to tears. for several songs after that the mood was rather sombre, might as well since it was followed by the rather smary duet of let's make love. (phil groaned when she heard the song's title, i honestly can't blame her. i cringed when silvie paladino came out on stage and proceeded with googling eyes and even more smary touchy feely happenings going on stage to accompany the lyrics. ick)

so anyway, i scoffed at the fans waiting at the backstage carpark exit, hearing the fans hypothesize what sort of car he'll come out in. i just waited at the reception area, not out in the cold as the mindless fans did. and why?

2 main logical reasons why i didn't join them in their outdoor vigil by the carpark exit.

it's the last night of his show people.

so obviously he'll be packing up, changing, resting, talking to the australian stage crew, thanking whoever, saying fareweels, exchanging contacts and getting ready so it'll be at least an hour after the end of his show before he leaves the theatre. so no point waiting out in the cold for nothing.

another reason is that he wouldn't be driven out in some fancy black mercedes benz or bmw with tinted windows. he's such a down to earth guy, i imagine rather egalitarian with his upbringing and he'll most likely join his band in the charterted vans, so they would have more time to talk anyway.

so it was quite sad to see 40 year old women with more combined botox in their faces than would make an entire barbie doll, chase after every tall dark guy that exited the building clad in a dark suit.
so after being asked to leave the theatre i popped over to the sofitel hotel lounge for a bit to wait out the next hour. after which i went to the main equipement loading exit and waited patiently for patrizio's arrival.

chatted with some of his band members, the percussion guy was quite charming talking about travelling the world and he was about to get more into how he started the percussions when out of the corner of my eye, a tall dark and very handsome figure clad in a white 'dinner-esqe' jacket came out talking to 2 other men. and my first response was to gap like a goldfish out of water repeating mindlessly OMG OH MMMY GOD... *squeaking out*
patrizio!
then then walking as far as my trembling legs would bring me, i joined the other 3 fans who had waited it out. there was a young couple around 26ish, the girl was called natalie, didn't catch the guy's name and the other lady approximately late 30s-early 40s was caprice who worked at iceberg at bondi junction it's a celebrity hangout place in sydney. he greeted caprice with a polite hello, then nodded at natalie then leaned forward pulling me in for a hug and a KISS ON THE CHEEK. MY GOD!

once more i was reduced to my gaping mess. caprice pulled him towards her, pressing her namecard into his open palm. i have the photo of that actually, and you can clearly see HIS mouth gaping. haha. his expression was one of total shock and bewildered at having met someone so forward. man she makes me seem like a wilting shrking wallflower.

so anyhoo i told him that i went to every single one of his sydney concerts, to which with opened eyed amazement said. that's ALOT of money in that gorgeous italian golden voice of his. to which i reply. well that's alot of love.
we chatted for about another minute or so, the minutes floating by in a surreal haze.

my feelings at that moment could be very well summed up in..

volare, oh oh, e cantare, woah oh oh oh.
no wonder my happy heart sings.
your love has given in wings.
nel blu di pinto di blue.

ha. but meeting him it was like seriously meeting with dean martin, frank sinatra and young elvis all in one package. so it was somehow like another childhood aspiration come true being able to meet my music idols. ok maybe elvis is more a on and off, recent addition joing the ranks of sinatra and dino 4 years ago.

then again i oly started getting really into dino and frank when i was around 11-12 so that's only 4 years more on elvis.

i'll put the pictures up whenever i get them off phil's camera. i really should get started on my evil thing called learning, man that totally ruined the wonderful fuzzy feeling i got from recalling monday. yay! i now love monday nights.

let's see in general
i love monday nights.
tuesday afternoons.
wednesday nights.
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE thursdays. cause of long days and it usually marks the day before assignments are due.
love fridays cause i get them off.
love saturdays till evening
love sunday mornings
hate sunday evening cause they represent the end of the weekend =(

ok i've totally veered off course. as usual. so now i'm going to get at least 300 words done for my essay then hit the sack. althought you and i very well know, no studying is gonna get done.

2007-05-27T14:56:00.001+08:00

I HATE MYSELF.

today when i met patrizio, i had planned several things to say to him

buongiorno mi ciamo sandra. mi ho piaceto tuo concerto leri sera. (italian: good morning/hi, i'm sandra and i really enjoyed your concert last night)
i've been to ALL your sydney concerts last year and the past 2 nights. i'll see you again tmr night.

but nooooooooooooooooooooo
i had to be so awe struck in his presence that i totally clammed up. and could only take in his good looks. it was so surreal. man even when i met a1 at my insane peak, and got a kiss from both paul and christian, i could still chat away with them.
but patrizio, i just stood there speechless. ARGH NOW YOU SEE WHY I HATE MYSELF

OH OH i dropped my hairband and he picked it up for me!!!!!!!
i'm never gonna wash that hairband ever again.

2007-05-27T14:19:00.000+08:00

i so so so so so so so shouldn't have done learning.
several reasons

1. i had an anxiety attack this morning about it.
2. i did extremely miserably at the learning report last year
3. for the exam i spent most of my studying on the NON learning bits of the unit
4. when i was sick and couldn't go to lectures, i was so lost in the next lectures

now the points pertaining to patrizio

5. it put a dampener on my patrizio concerts enjoyment
6. i KNOW he's going for the sydney italian festival which i had planned on going before i found out about his attendence. ok so here's what i've gathered.
tonight (27th). possibly resting from back to back performances and his voice sounded really hoarse at the autograph signing today. poor love.
mon (28th) concert again. =)
thurs (31st) performance at wellington
sat (2nd june) auckland
sun (3rd june) back in sydney for serate con sophia. the special uber exclusive gala black tie dinner with sophia loren as guest of honour. and he's performing. man if only i had the money to burn.

ok so basically if there's any night he would go it would either be tonight or tues night. but now i can't go and turn up to leichhardt which is so close to where i am right now cause of stupid learning which is due on friday. MAN! stupid learning.
have i mentioned how much i hate learning and i'm very convinced i'm gonna fail it.

man i'm depressed, i'll go have some lasagne and later pop over to gelatomassi for vanilla chip gelato later.
even i don't think they'll stock vanilla chip tonight =(

everything is going wrong for me this week!!

2007-05-26T22:21:00.000+08:00

tsk tsk, shameful that locals don't know where martin place is. i've been living in sydney for the past 3 and a half years and even IIIII know where the sunrise building is.

for all those ignorant people (the opposite of la dolce vita) sunrise building is at the corner of martin place and castlereagh. gosh!
he'll be doing autograph signing and i'm extremely tempted to go even if it's at 10 ON A SUNDAY MORNING! does he not know that it is a sleep in day??

but who am i to say when my own parents drag us out of bed to attend 7AM sunday mass.
well he is roman catholic (i'm assuming he is cause i saw him made the sign of the cross, and come on the biggest catholic population in the world is in italy!)
anyhoo the catholics have this whole guilt trip going on, and also enduring torture for your religion. awww i miss john paul.. ok that was VERY random. but i was talking about how much friendlier and loving he is as a pope compared to the current one. ok kudos for him for bringing back masses in latin.

i know i'll be going to church .. religiously (HAHA) if it's in latin.

YAY for latin masses. and boo to having to wake up early to get an autograph. but i'm hardcore and he's so swoon worthy! OMG i'm still trembling over his voice. oh gosh.

anyway ok here's the plan.

wake up at 810, get ready
825 - 840brekkie (beg merci to let me have brekkie earlier. if not there's always tmr anyway damn college photo)
840-855 wait for the bus
920 latest i reach martin place then start walking towards sunrise building. oh wait.. don't think that's enough time! there's sure to be a queue. but i'll pray for the best.

assuming i get lost. which i have this sinking feeling i will but i know martin place pretty well so doubt that's the case. so maybe about 930 start waiting in line. better load up more music onto my player to keep me entertained. i'm patient. so that's alright.

then get back to college 1 the latest. have lunch then go and start learning. so not looking forward to that. but i've little choice.

if i'm gonna be waiting that long better have more things to sign. well i've got an unsigned first album. and this year's programme. ARGH left my forever begins tonight at home!!!!!!!

was considering buying another one but the state was selling it almost twice the price at HMV. so i've only 2 things for him to sign. oh wait, i also left my DVD at home!!

what is wrong with you sandra!!!!

so i've only got 2 items, and maybe my ticket from last night. it would be so cool if i presented him with tickets from last year. proof i've attended all his sydney concerts!!
but once again i maintain that i love and adore him for his music and talent and not so much his dark gorgeous looks.

ok i better stop and get ready for bed if i'm to be up at the unearthly hour tmr.

ciao!

2007-05-21T03:56:00.000+08:00

things i would like to accomplish before i die.

1. be the inspiration, muse, for the most beautiful riveting heartfelt poetic possibly bittersweet songs. basically i want to be the patti boyd-harrison/boyd-clapton of today. for those unaware of her, she was the inspiration for several monumental love songs, harrison's something (the 2nd most covered beatles song behind yesterday) and more notably's clapton's layla and wonderful tonight. also pretty blue eyes, golden ring, never make you cry and pretty girl.

or more modern counterparts could be the difference by matchbox 20.
or like dean martin's everybody loves somebody. or the way you look tonight. or have i told you lately. oh ha! maybe she's a lady too! robbie's angels.
or the more obscure malafemmena or na sera e' maggio (an evening in may).

the song doesn't have to be about me but it would be nice if that were the case :)
i might have to draw the line at angsty hate filled songs screaming and swearing that i'm a motherfreakin' bitch, user and abuser of men, bane to mankind unless done in very poetic poignant context like i had broken your heart into pieces so small and left you incapable to love anyone else since no other woman's love is anywhere comparable to mine, i'm just OOOOHHHH SO bad for you, but you can't help it. my love's a life source for you, and even now whilst suffering withdrawl symptons from my dangerous but umm powerful lovin' you still think and lament that i'm your goddess..
that sort of thing haha

2a. be a museum curator that's my ideal dream job
2b. have my work displayed sigh if only i had half the talent or even drive of carly casey hammond.

3. speaking of which, having a very quiet intimate artwork done of me, the ideal one would be like the above paintings, or just a simple black and white of me sleeping, gorgeous tousled hair, sunlight streaming in creating the perfect lighting etc. something that captures me, it's not so much for ego, but rather something to reminse fondly over, to be startled everytime at the simplicity the beauty of that one moment.

4. have a whirlwind romance preferably in Italy, oh lake como! oh grand canals of Venice in a pleasure yacht! oh quaint charming cobbled alleyways! oh ancient ruins of Rome! be still my heart! be still!

5. be totally surprised with something insanely romantic that even writers/producers/directors of all time soppy love movies couldn't think of anything to top that off.. high expectations i know but a girl needs to be swept off her feet (if in need of inspiration, the facebook group is a very good start) and treated like a princess, his princess, once in a while. it's quite hopeless that i'm such a die hard romantic, every passionate stolen moments.

malafemmena.. wistful lovely sigh.

speaking of being swept off your feet.

6. eat at all the best resturants in the world. going by the 2005 best list, i can knock rockpool off

7. travel to every of my dream countries earth and let me immerse myself in their pure unadulterated unamericanised culture, like a local! wish there were no language bounderies or money limitations for that matter!
7b. travel the world by fancy train, like the trans siberian or oriental expresses, or via ship with louis vuitton trunks (which very sadly cost 40 grand each =( )

8. go to every famous museum in the world that houses the impressionist and post impressionists
8b. attend swan lake ballet.

9. have a wonderful family life, with loving husband and of course a child of my own in a lovely house with pretty pets. (told you i was clucky and nesting)

lastly, make my parents proud.

2007-05-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

it's bad enough that i'm surrounded by people with nice defined features, large eyes, good side profile. basically people who are so much better looking than me.

once more you just had to highlight my insecurities about myself, my terrible complexion for one or do you know how much i resist wanting to go to the toilet and throw up everytime i feel fat (which is most of the time) but then i have this image of myself crying screaming out 'don't you know i hate having the disorder i'm supposed to be treating!!' which is very effective at discouraging me from picking up bulimia.

or times when i forgo spending money on something pretty or something i want just so i can save up for cosmetic surgery whenever phil makes comments about my 'chinky eyes'.

or times when jen takes swipes about my complexion, or my mom compares mine to ness, i seriously consider taking various hormonal medication inspite of all the side effects esp messing up reproductive system or high chances of depression, or harmful changes to neurotransmitters, all just so i can have a better complexion.

or sometimes i would really wish that i would get involved in a car accident breaking the bones in my face, just so i now would be allowed to get cosmetic surgery for more prominent features. i don't mind the pain. i used to partake in dangerous activites simply to get my face injured so i can get it revamped.

so imagine how i must feel when you bring up stupid dawn yang so wistfully, saying how pretty she now is with her plasticsized, then making me relive the times where i hated myself and started praying so hard for all the above? then for a week i'll sink into an ebb of depression and self loathing, then pull out the folder containing idealised pictures of myself, parts of my face i want reconstructed and the relevant costs, pre and post surgery procedures, and numbers of respective surgeons?

did you know i actually did get the money for eyes and nose job, and actually called a plastic surgeon to arrange a consultation for an operation?

you say you're supportive but when i tell you parts of myself i'm unhappy about and wanting to get surgery, you don't discourage me, instead you to the opposite and suggest areas that i could improve on. which makes me so resentful of how i am right now. learned helplessness comes to mind, cause i know full well my chances to get surgery done is practically zilch, due to my parents, societal pressures or whatever stupid unfair constrains.
throughout the entire conversation i kept wishing you'll reassure me of how i look, saying you're pretty as you are, i love you as you are or don't be silly then bash those cosmetic surgery addicted people or something to dispell all these negative thoughts of myself i have in my head.

but you don't.

2007-05-19T22:20:00.000+08:00

first post of my blog with i did from scratch.

i love you kitty!
muacks!

2007-05-19T20:57:00.000+08:00

anxious.

i've lost all the squealing excitement from anticipating patrizio's concert.
spent slightly more than 500 on the tickets, so now i'm so pressurised to really really REALLY enjoy it.

cause 500 can buy alot
for instance
about one ninth of the cheaper carly casey hammond paintings
the gucci sunglasses i was considering for 410 (before 10% rebate)
the louis vuitton sunglasses.. which comes at the very affordable price tag of 750. *deadpan* yay.

2007-05-17T21:09:00.000+08:00

when asked by phil 2 weeks back to translate ahem.. RI's motto Auspicium Melioris Aevi .
my somewhat educated stab in the dark was hope for a good/better future.

while i was procrastinating today, i googled the english translation.

lo and behold.

hope for a better age.

a ha! my latin isn't shabby at all!
so should have taken latin instead of learning. ick.

2007-05-15T00:06:00.000+08:00

i seriously do believe that i am a strong contender for the title worst person in history. and by worst person i mean go out to hurt someone who loves you so dearly and you're just too bloody deluded with self righteousness to even realise that you're wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. but that's how it is.

eyes are still pretty much raw from crying but i can't complain at all compared to all the shit i've put him through.

just got off the phone at 2, which means midnight singapore time. i don't know how i can live with myself. he has a massive massive test tmr and there i was just torturing him out of sheer uncontrollable vindictiveness, not only depriving him of 2 hours of sleep but whatever good night's rest he can salvage from it.

i'm already racked with guilt and anger at myself for ignorantly defending the rather unsavory behaviours of my friends, once again at his expense, he lost out on gold by a measly second cause of sleep deprivation. how do i live with myself. so now history repeating itself, he might not do as well as he deserves and all cause of me. i've already come to terms that my life would amount to nothing (as i've been told many times throughout my childhood by my mom) but i don't want to drag someone who would definately make a positive impact on the world into the mud with me. tonight when i presented him with the option of out, there was another reason besides 'dead end'. it was that i couldn't live with myself knowing that someone as brilliant as him could lose it all (and is willing to) just to be with me, i just couldn't bring myself to let him make such a mistake. i'm seriously his downfall. (not that i'm trying to give myself more importance). if there's one thing i know about my future, it's that.
seeing how that i always had the propensity to jeopardise his shining future, i just had to do it for his own good. cliched yes, but how true are cliches. if they weren't they would have survived till now.
i rather seem the monster now for breaking his heart, rahter than destroying his entire life. with his heart, he'll get over it and live but you can't fix an entire lifetime. so that part of me was goading me into calling him and presenting him with a way out, cruel now but he would thank me later in life for that. i really hate future uncertainties.

are we really as capable as we think we are when it comes to making big decisions that would affect the life of others?

the conversation was so full of promise, then i had to bring up the whole issue of me wanting to adopt my fourth child. i understand that it's unfair of me to impose something which yes is nobel but turns out to be very selfish and unreasonable when i realised that i'm probably never gonna work or earn enough money to contribute to this child and here i am imposing on ed
hey blah blah blah self righteous rant on why we should adopt, some children would never in their whole lives experience a tenth of the love i so undeservingly receive unconditionally from my parents, and that's one of the main reasons why we should adopt - to give someone a semblence of love that so many firtunate others have experienced.
but i realised that adopting a child would also present itself as a major issue when broken down into dollars and cents - the reality of it all. if i had endless monetary resources at my disposal i would really adopt a child, maybe another.
and i understand that it would be stressful for him to not only work to support a comfortable lifestyle for his family, he has so many obligations.
support his parents, support his family, then children's education and health insurance issues, mortgage, expenses, utility bills..
the whole shebang.

raising a family has never been more stressful and here i am, tho with good intentions i'm just heaping an additional burden on him. if only the world were that simple.

i wasn't being obnoxious when i declared catholicism to be more of a structured 'organized religion' compared to buddhism. it really is how it is.

i'm so wretched, just thinking maybe my dad deep down below his exterior of unconditional love is greatly dissappointed with how my once extremely promising life is turning out, i've really lost all motivation in life, i don't really want to admit this to anyone, more importantly myself. somedays are really conflicted, i'm petrified of dying yet sometimes i wish that i was in hospital with dengue, life is just reduced very simply to life or death, and i wish that stark life death situation would put my life in perspective. give me a kick but most of all give me motivation, drive to accomplish something with my life.
sometimes i'm pretty much convinced i'm bipolar, one minute in my head i'm happy as the summer sun, the next minute i want to curl up in my bed, detesting the gorgeous sunny weather, wishing that i didn't have classes, i didn't have obligations, i could just slip into uncomplicated sleep yet not die, just wanting to live my life as a whisper of what it could be, drifting without meaning.
morbid as it may sound i have thought many times about my funeral. few people would turn up for ME. those that do would come cause ikhwa's/alex's daugther passed away so we're going to support them, or vanessa's/derek's sister passed away so let's go support them.
i honestly do believe that my AEP girls would come, some of my sec 4 teachers, perhaps 'the table' (since they'll be limited by the travelling overseas thing) and ed, would be the only ones there.
sociable as i may seem, many people do hate me. my sec 4 class with perhaps the exception of.. clare, then again she's AEP, but i really don't think anyone would attend my funeral for ME, sandra. no one would mourn my passing in their daily lives, i'll always be a little blip in their radar that no one would ever miss when gone.

but ed, i'm sorry i really never meant to hurt you, perhaps it was taken out of context, and my temper and flair for dramatics doesn't seem to help it at all. honestly, would i be willing to give up a 5 year relationship that has defined me and truly is one of my last few motivating factors of life, for a religion for which my faith wavers? it was more complex then it seemed at the surface cause how i define my parents or rather how they have defined themselves to us, particularly my dad, is relgion.
when i think of God, my dad is always there in my mind. one part of me associations, even parallels God with my dad, i'm not being sacriligious but i believe that my dad loves the same as God, unconditionally no matter how much of a dismal failure i am.
but sometimes i feel so frustrated and filled with longing when my dad doesn't know the extent i love him, he reckons it's cause he's unconditional and lets me off cause i'm so much like him on so many different levels. but we're never affectionate or very close cause it's just ackward for him i suppose, sometimes i want to smack him screaming why can't we be more close!!!!!!! why must you always talk about God, and update me on your meetings and business trips, why can't we just talk like father and daughter! WHY CAN"T WE DAMN IT!! it's really frustrating when he's so proper on the phone. i crave for half the relationship my sister has with my mom but with my dad. i've given up on hoping for anything with my mom. i really have.
it's scary when sometimes postcards on postsecret express/make me acknowledge how i feel inside. i didn't call my mom on mother's day, i know it broke her heart, but i just didn't want to talk to her on such a superficial commercial day, but it'll just be pleasentaries which are again superficial, somehow it's better than i don't call and spoil her day.
it just is.

i don't know. just wish i knew everything.

2007-05-03T18:31:00.000+08:00

so weird. during my cognition tute today, we were asked to spell out novel non words.
so the tutor said clird and i spelt it as cleude.
to which she mentioned hmm it's french spelling.

weird. don't know why i have a propensity to spell in french, even commission. i put accents on the letters.

2007-04-21T08:00:00.000+08:00

quite upset, just flipped through photo album after photo album of singaporean girls.

it's utterly depressing when 98% of them are stick thin (the other 2% actually HAVE boobs)

kinda related: when ed saw me on tues, he kept asking why do you only wear sporty-esqe and somewhat more revealing (as in racerback sports top) in australia instead of singapore?

it's cause in singapore, all the girls are sticks but in australia, I"M the stick. so i don't have as much of a weight issue as i do when surronded by stick insects in singapore.

anyhoo some might say it's hypocritical of me (since i'm COMPARITIVELY thinner than most aussie girls) to be applauding madrid fashion show's for implementing a ban on models who are GROSSLY GROSSLY underweight, hello??!
those in concentration camps had more meat on their bones than some of these girls.

and i told myself! you know what ..?

i'm PROUD (quite) of my body/shape (not so happy about the extra winter padding) so heck being thin, people here compliment me on being lithe (well that was LAST year when i was 4kg lighter) but still..!

so as a reasonable resolution i'm going to;

- not eat chocolates, well too much anyway. exception when i am insanely stressed.
- not eat rubbish candy
- reduce the amount of sugar in my tea
- only eat things worth my eating. that is and has been my new mantra since melbourne.
- drink water alot cause it cleanses my icky internal system
- eat more cherry tomatoes or any semblence of veggies. which i am glad to say i have been sticking to rather religiously. 15 a day - blended to a thick pulp and immediately gulped down to retain the vitamin C and fibre. i would usually eat them whole but for some strange reason the past couple of batches have been rather sour.

if it's any consolation, i don't..
drink
consume chips or any junk food
consume caffine

i don't eat unhealthy food, it's just that i don't eat really healthy food.

but anyway i'm taking this drastic action mostly cause it's beyond disgusting/repulsive/horrific that i can actually grab HANDFULS of my sides and stomach! damn all the winter padding and padding courtesy of melb, what's worse is that patrizio's concerts are coming up and i have to at least not be dumpy.

so besides the crisis of WHAT TO WEAR!
i'm experiencing an OMG I"M SO FREAKING PUDGY IT"S NO LONGER FUNNY!
as such i shall be cruel to myself and walk around my room in barely anything infront of the full length mirror so i shall be more motivated to excercise or at least work out on helping the grotesque thing called my tummy.

no but seriously, i'm deficient, in many, if not most vitamins and essential nutrients so my healthier diet of cutting back on red meats and anything with MSG (which rules out most of sancta cooked food) in favour of fresh fruit and veggies albiet blended but at least i'm getting healthier.

but i shall not starve myself. in fact i'll continue happily eating what i want.. in moderation.

that's the word moderation. the word my mom goes on and on and on about, insisting my personality is too self indulgent.

so yes, we'll see how it goes.

wish me luck.

2007-04-20T03:41:00.000+08:00

woke up with the most uncomfortable feeling in my chest cavity, feeling all the heat build up wrapping around me.
been up for slightly more than an hour. consolidated ishy's birthday present, followed by a quick tidy up of my room, brushing teeth and getting into the mindset of my assignments.

the gravity of my situation has sunk in an quite honestly, i'm getting stressed out as evident by my complexion. been thinking. i reckon my body, or at least my immune system, is starting to shut down.

week 1 of uni. i was still feeling the effects of a stomach upset from the raw egg in the chocolate mousse that was left out for too long. which culminated into tonsilitis and mild fever.

then week 4.
violent attack of food poisoning. spent significant part of the week throwing up and collapsing everywhere.

week 5
teethering on a minor break down cause of a whole array of factors.
sister was around, constantly invading my space and my neatly set system.
brain was being wrecked how thinking the best way to break the news to alexandra and the fact my sister refused to tell her when it was her responsibility and heaped it onto me.
had to do the invites for mother daughter event.
the stress of stalker that was making me very uncomfortable and overly anxious, he was not only harassing me but my sister whom i envy for being able to brush it off so casually.
but i was affected by stalker so much so that in the afternoon, i had to call ed cause i was on the verge of tears, was so overwhelmed by the fact that avoiding stalker i missed a substantial number of classes (which i'm regretting) then i didn't want to attend my tutorial which i ended up missing cause i was in bed trying to vent out my frustrations with tears but i couldn't and ended up being so emotionally drained from that.

i really do owe ed so much emotionally, he was on the phone reassuring me in a soft lilting voice trying to soothe my restless yet listless soul, while i drifted off to lalaland, sleeping it off. a whole chunk of his afternoon was spent patiently listening to me somewhat hysterically loading everything, even empathsized with me chatizaing myself for not knowing why i was feeling this, why couldn't i handle that...
he explained in such a comforting tone that no one is expected to be able to cope with everything that hits them, we're only human and it's understandable, in fact, a part of being human to experience all the conflicting emotions i was drowning under.

gosh the things he said were so sweet and selfless, knowing that i had him by my side during my minor breakdown really made all the difference and motivated me to not let this bog me down.

i really don't know what i would do without him.

thanks for everything kitty.

2007-04-20T03:28:00.000+08:00

lets out a sigh for no reason in particular.

it's been a rather long day but the week seems to have drifted by in a messy haze which is my mind. i'm simply petrified of the weeks to come.

mon 23 april.
you all know what that means. the end of my carefree teen years or at least being able to use teenage folly as a convenient excuse for my still very immature behaviour.

4 days later, 27 april
submission of a very evil report (worth 30%) which i am still yet to take a serious look at.
the week has been insane, i missed 2 lectures trying to avoid you-know-who, he might as well be voldey (voldermort) - considering how whenever he, the source of all evil is around around, he just sucks all the happy energy and life out of me and i want to kill him but can't, so at least when the encounter is over i'm at least extremely grateful that it's over and that i came out relatively unscathed.
but tremble in sick anticipation knowing that soon enough he will appirate infront of me and the horrible cycle starts all over again.
see? doesn't that outline harry's experiences with voldey?

nipping hot on the heels of one evil report is another due on the 7th of may.
developmental. (35%)

shudders, say no more.

the merciless onslaught continues (it's arguable that it peaks with this since it's the heaviest weightage of all prac reports with a massive 40%) with social due on May 25th, icky stats.

small break sent by God.
patrizio, lovely lovely gift from God.

but not wanting to let me enjoy my patrizio induced dreamlike state i would walk for a week.. is learning.

please kill me now. wait.

kill me by this weekend so i don't have to deal with any assignments.

God help me.

2007-04-14T18:56:00.000+08:00

best food i've ever had ranking

6. scallop creviche
5. funghi pizza and perscuitto with mozerella and god knows what other cheeses pizza from sydney's little italy
4. home cooked mee siam tied with homecooked chicken kuew teow soup with extra dried scallops
3. black label burny oysters LIVE
2. deep blue bistro's creamy truffle oil mash
1. wagyu burger from rockpool (neil perry) HANDSDOWN

2007-03-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

philly just laughed at me for thinking that ioan gruffudd is immensely gorgeous. yes he IS mr fantastic (only fitting for him) from the fantastic 4 movie. derek was pretty much going what the hell when i was going all girly swooning when i brought ken and him to watch fantastic 4.
he was also in 102 dalmations, seen it yes yes? fine nevermind but how cute was he in it as the animal loving guy. ok 102 wasn't as quirky as the 1st one or even close to the original disney one but how can you not adore glenn close, i would elect her for vice-president anyday (reference to airforce one with also a rather dashing harrison ford.)

man, he's seriously wowser. think it's the strong resemblence to patrizio, minus the very roman imperator nose.
and he sings too!

ah..

i shall be off to stare at pictures of him.

2007-03-16T00:28:00.000+08:00

went for macbeth.
had congee.
raided jen's shop.
found out about swan lake on this fri, sat and sun.

great night.

2007-03-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

stupid what's his face.
kicked me out of the tutorial very unceremoniously, bet it's PMS. primitive male syndrome!
i looked at him wide eyed and confused as to what i should be doing right after he told me really curtly to leave his class.
why are you still here.... don't sit in my class you'll only be a redundant piece of driftwood.

i wanted to defend myself, saying that 2 days before i emailed him asking if i could attend his tutorial since my friends are in his tutorial and we would like to be grouped together for the social project. and i also wanted to say that i missed my tutorial the day before to go to his and would he at least just let me sit in for attendance sake.
but i held my tongue should i actually be able to be transferred to his class in the future and didn't want to jeopardize my group's grade.

noooooooooooooo he just had to be really mean.

then i stomped out of class not before shooting him a withering glare.

huffing down the steps outside education building i met ishy and bitched to her, then realised that my arms were covered in ewwwww hives and my right arm was starting to swell.
i must be allergic to what's his face.

so after keeping ishy entertained before her next class, i left for the uni clinic at holme building. heaved a sigh of relief when i realised that the waiting room was empty save for this 1 drew's girl. explaining my situation to the lady at the reception, i was aghast to be informed that they had a strict no walk in policy and the next available appointment would be next thursday.

it's really gay cause the doctor was just sitting in his office quite literally doing nothing and i pleaded for 5 mins to get a really quick consult cause the itching was getting from bad to worse. the red lumpy swollen patches were spreading, my right inner thigh was almost completely covered it the above muck. but nooooooooooooooooooo they had to be stupid and turn me away.

so fine i just returned to college fuming and the inefficiencies and unsympathetic nature of the 2. at lunch bitched to phil and vivien, both of which were vego-s. random fact. contemplated going to RPA but the estimated wait time was bout 3 hours and i couldn't be bothered.

returned to my room, looked through the office works catalogue.
read the history of the sopranos.
checked if anyone wanted any of the textbooks i had put up for sale on textbookexchange.
puttered around my room.

all of which to kill time before the social lecture. left college 10 to, but bumped into treen, vivien, lily, claire so from being 10 mins early for my lecture i was 15 mins late.
that's what you get for being in college.

when vivien enquired about my rashes i realised they were completely gone! my skin was back to it's pasty translucent state, as if nothing ever happened! was totally amazed.

lecture boring.
as usual.
oh and i couldn't help but check out you know who after wanker stood up momentarily in the lecture. goodness he really IS a dag. another gaping hole in his t shirt. no excuses bout extra ventilation or any of that nonsense.
ok i'm way way over him but i can still appreciate aesthetically pleasing objects now can't i.
ha.

went with jordon to officeworks, made fun of him as usual.
on the way back sammy and i saw 2 vespas (refer to pic). noticing that the license plate of one was THX 69 i pointed that out to her. but she was oblivious to the innuendo. explained it to which she went ewwww so anyway i took out my phone getting a snap of the 2 vespas when this guy walked past. imagine our disgust when we realised that the guy who was a dumpy version of a young bill gates was the owner of the said vespa bearing the very subtle lisence plate.

yay i finally put up my monet and did the corkboard so my room is one step closer to being very much a room with PIZZA! nooo not PIZ-ZA it's PEEEEEE-ZAZ.

nevermind. inside joke from foster's home for imaginary friends.

2007-03-14T13:11:00.000+08:00

*yawns* lunch was the normal bad sancta sunday fare.
was trying to piece up the really strange dream i had last night while recounting it to sam, nikki and phil at the dining table.
basically, i was in my very early twenties (?) looking very gorgeous, slightly willowy frame but still tiny enough to look almost delicate.
my boyfriend wanted a breather from the relationship since the next step for us would have been him proposing. the reality of tying the knot to the same someone for the rest of your life is rather intimidating. i took it very calmly understanding where he was coming from. then he said he decided to take an overseas internship while considering what the best course of action would be. but left with the disclaimer, insinuating that he would come back and be totally prepared to settle down with moi for good.
so we parted on terms that wasn't exactly bad, just wasn't the most pleasant of possible ways.

later, after i had gotten over how annoyed and incredelous i was over his bout of temporarily cold feet. i was in an wonderous gorgeous park with bunnies (???????) and little ducklings, playing and feeding those cute little critters! wheee! with a bunch of darling little children under my charge. clad in my pretty pastel robin blue and white sundress, laughing having a great time. with the cutest bunny in my arms i whirled to show the children the little adorable ball of loveable fluff but i bumped right into this really strapping looker.
after gawking at him for a milisecond, broke into fit of giggles then we started talking and stuff. me going on about my love for bunnies, then we took a walk round the park with the little kiddies happily running about.
then fastfoward to when we had been going out for about 9 months, him being such an old school gentleman on dates yet was carefree, perfect balance between being a proper gentleman and a fun spirited all-cares-to-to-the-wind attitude.
only thing was he was somewhat sketchy about his past and family etc., but didn't bother me much since it's normal for guys to be reserved about themselves.

so after we were having a nice picnic he asked me to marry him and it took me completely by surprise.
i agreed despite it being a whirlwind courtship. right after he was 'right, ok let's go meet my parents', ha we got to whatever country he was from and to my rude shock he was the ruler of europe.

sidetract note: yes yes it's very grace kelly, and screams 'the prince and me' or very mary donaldson, but it was at least a year since i read or wacthed anything to do with either of the above. so i'm still triyng to figure out why i dreamt of it since dreams are a consolidation of recent thoughts and memories, both implicit and explicit. been raking my brains for the past 3 hours but i can't seem to account for any possible memories cues that might have triggered out such a dream.

after the revelation, he pulled me aside quitely and said he would understand if i reconsidered his proposal with all the realities of royal duties and the sacrifices one would have to make.
the stupid boyfriend at the sidelines issue didn't help with my decision.
on one hand there was this guy i've been going out with for bout 7 years, we practically expected to marry each other but look how he turned out to be mr-cold-feet but he we've been together for so long and have gotten through all the rough patches of a long-lasting relationship together.
so that was a mmuch better indicator of marriage life.
then the price guy, it was a whirlwind romance we hadn't any experience of arguements or anything, at 9 months we were still riding the honeymoon part of a relationship. i had no bad scrapes to base our future together on.

so i was at crossroads for that.

didn't help that his mom was bit of those sterotypical control freak that disapproved of many things. but at times she was really nice to me as i was the daughter she never had (he had 3 brothers) but she could easily switch between personas when necessary which i found to be quite unnerving.

in the end it was very princess diaries, so i told him that i was sticking with him (since the stupid boyfriend who knew about my situation didn't want to come and help with my decision making).

then he bought me a pretty little farm and cottage (ok now it's sounding very marie antionette, p.s i can't spell for nuts)
and had lots of cute animals, like plenty of bunnies, swans, and horses, dogs, several kittens, and whole bunch of other animals.. oh oh and a cockatoo!

had several kiddies and thankfully when they grew up they were NORMAL. non parental hating, non serial killer type kids.

2007-03-08T20:59:00.000+08:00

why won't anyone take me seriously when i say i want to be a museum curator!!

2007-02-09T11:59:00.000+08:00

rave rave rave rave rave..

giving muse rave reviews!

2007-02-09T11:08:00.000+08:00

i know it's a bit late but how much am i in love with MUSE!

2007-02-07T11:18:00.000+08:00

ugh, i'm feeling so gross.
i might as well have drunk a whole cup of oil straight up having eaten oyster omelette last night.
that upon the 3 shallow friend soaking-like-icky-oily-sponges-in-oil hashbrowns i've been having for breakfast everyday for the past 2 weeks.

ewwwwwwwwwwww

i feel the oil ooooooooooooooooozing out of my pores. no wonder i'm breaking out.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

oil.

2007-02-05T16:18:00.000+08:00

Coolies. Alexandra is coming over tonight. YAY!
Lucky her has the honour of being the first friend to ever stayover.. ahem officially that is. Haha. Unofficial visits are so much more fun. HEHE!

She should be arriving around dinner time so mom’s flustered that I didn’t tell her earlier cause tonight was meant to be a simple meal. Hmmm maybe I should call mom and inform her that dinner doesn’t have to be an extravagant affair cause I’ll be bringing her to the Marina Bay area tonight to zou zou (walk walk) then to Newton! Gosh so much Sinagporean delights, I don’t know what I should be stuffing her with.
I reckon at newtown - carrot cake, stingray (tho it impaled her national icon right in the heart), dao hui tho i think you can't get it at this time of the night, rojak consisting only of you tiao and sotong (cuttlefish)

Ok there’s laksa (probably the one at Queenstown), xiao long bao at crystal jade, anymore suggestions?

Anyway, spent bout an hour or two planning her itinerary, shifting through visitsingapore.com for tours, red lantern tour sounds very interesting. Like the name suggests red light district! It’s "a heartlander" tour hahaha reminds me of the Hossan Leong play yesterday however when he was this ah qua/bapok (gay sissy man) exercise trainer named Richard Semens with his mop of curly blonde brown corkscrews, clad in loose electric blue basketball shirt, white shorts and stripy orange and white leg warmers with matching sweatband.
done in a gay voice
when you meet like the fishball noodle seller the "heartlander" which means "smelly" you... shake his hand then look away.
now shake his hand and look away.

you have to watch the play. now i shall do a plug for the show.

go and watch hossan leong's multiple personality disorder currently showing at the drama centre of the national library from today onwards till 10th feb. everyday at 8pm with an extra show at 3pm on weekends. tickets are priced at 20, 35 or 50.

it's super highly recommended if you especially enjoy the works of mr miyagi who wrote the entire show himself, paraodies of celebrities via the songs that made them in/famous all while taking a dig at the singaporean government zealous mission of attracting foreign talent.

here nothing is sacred, it's a fabulous play. very entertaining.
in fact it's my first local play which i'm gonna bring alexandra to as soon as i can fit it in her schedule.

i've veered off topic, but that's not really a surprise when it comes to me so i'll continue later cause i feel like falling asleep right now. good grief it's 5 YAY an hour 15 mins more to go then i can go home!

darn i have to entertain my guest. but i want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

2007-01-16T11:06:00.000+08:00

gosh the last entry was slightly more than a month ago! and that was pretty crap one.
not to say that you becoming 2LT is anything short of an massive accomplishment not to mention being sword of honour!!

at this point in time,
i've..

been to bangkok with the family, they left for shanghai whilst i stayed in bangkok with the visudharoms (man i can't believe i'm related and still can't get the spelling right) for additional 2 days.

came back for ed's comms ball!
it was the best fun i ever had.. no not so much the ball, it was spending wondorous quality time with him.
cooked my speciality.. mushroom soup, clam chowder, pizza!
he would argue that it's ALL i can cook, but this professional caterer would beg to differ!

so we went shopping.. blah blah blah, you can actually read it up on his blog lexophilia.blogspot.com i don't want to repeat what's already been said, so much more productive to add ON to it.

gosh he was so cute at his ball, dashing and suave. like a young pierce brosnan, so stately and looking ever so delish! ok i'll stop it already.

so glad that the first time i wore my marc jacobs military pea coat was to something so special to him. it was such a thrill to be able to meet all the guys i've been hearing so much about, robin much more so than others. literally. everytime i call ed i would hear robin's out of tune/off pitch falsetto in the background, still it isn't as bad as my mom.

and samuel who was very charming, kept posing around with his hand in his pocket, i so badly wanted to scream out or at least get ed to rib him playfully with..
confucious say.. man with hand in pocket feels cocky.

ed laughed and kept swatting me away as i was so persistent.

the whole night was great, got on splendidly with the girls at my table. around them i felt kinda plain looking cause the girls looked astounding. ed couldn't stop staring at kohzy's date's hair, wish i didn't get make up nor my hair done, cause that's what ed would prefer. not to mention i would have saved 70 plus. oh well what to do. i'll post the pictures of the comm's ball up if possible but i'm going to just rip it off ed's blog.

christmas eve.
slept for less than 4 hrs then it was off to the airport, was kinda freakin out when i couldn't get a cab when it was slightly more than an hr before my flight.
got to the airport titchy bit angry at ed for making a mountain out of a molehill of how long it took him to get a cab.

at changi, everything was all great until i was told that my flight to bangkok was delayed by 2 hrs thus i would miss my connecting flight in bkk to shanghai, so thai airways offered me an alternative, they would give me a direct flight straight to shanghai via MU eastern airlines.
bought uncle rod 2 boxes of cigarettes for xiao rong then procedded to the boarding room. then as i was getting onto the plane, they pulled me aside and told me that my ticket wasn't valid since a transfer of airlines needed validation from the MU side and MU wasn't gonna give me one until several hours later.
i pulled the whole innocent puppy dog eyed look on them but they wouldn't budge without the go ahead from the stupid airline validating whatever.
Ok so I’ll try to explain what little I know about the situation.
I had an electronic ticket along with my paper ticket my family had been issued, so thai airways gave me a MU boarding pass. However on the MU side, since my ticket was electronic and the changes were not on the paper ticket itself, it wouldn’t validate that my ticket was an authentic one in spite of the thai airways staff practically swearing on my behalf that it was.

So MU ground staff pulled me off the flight and I had to trek all around the airport change to settle the cigarettes cause they were bought from duty free and I couldn’t bring it into Singapore unless I wanted to pay like a gazillion dollars in tax.
To cut the story short.. well shorter.. I was given a later flight, great I would be spending Christmas eve in transit. Bloody hell I would be missing the most important dinner of the year! It’s a tradition the extended family has shared ever since I can rememeber and I was heartbroken that this was the first time that the entire family could be together and I would be missing the dinner!

To make matters worse, I didn’t even have enough cash to take the train home! So exchanged RMB and some aussie dollar for the cab ride from and to the airport.
Called ed totally distraught hoping we could meet for a while later, very unfortunately he had family activities planned so that was not possible and I went home with my Christmas hopes and spirits totally dashed.
Returned home at around 130, talked to veerapan for a bit since his last day would be 31 dec.

Had a tiring day, been up since 6 with barely 4 hrs of sleep, so changed out and konked out in bed. Sleep deprivation teamed with exhaustion trumped grumbling stomach .I got really upset and emotional having to return to an empty house even more so when just days before I had had the best days of my life. Just last night ed and I were cuddling to sleep, and now I’m so alone!!!!!!!!!

Alright I’m being a tad over melodramatic but I really enjoyed our domestic times together. Empty house and bed not the best of combinations. I miss my kitty so so much.
Was woken up by a call from ed at about 4, he felt bad that he couldn’t come over so consolation was a nice long phone call. Barely 2 mins into the conversation, the doorbell started ringing furiously. Wonder who that could be, reckon it was Joshua my brother’s friend, but didn’t I tell him that Derek would only be back in time for school?
Told ed I would call him back and went to answer the door.

Lo and behold, it was ed!!!!!! Was totally in shock, wondering if I was still sleeping and this was some fantastic dream which would only have broken my heart further when I woke up...
So later in my room when I was still gushing and just giving him long hugs he thought I was crying. I guess I was so overwhelmed by the culmination of the day’s events, the lovely surprise and his sheer presence on my door step that I did end up crying. I’m such a pansy!

We spent time cuddling in bed, talking every now and then but mostly enjoying each other’s presence in comfortable silence. I think it’s remarkable when you can reach a stage where you can just be in the presence of that someone not having to say a word without the situation becoming awkward.

Sigh time simply passes too fast when you’re having fun. Clichés DO say it best.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. The whole lot. But those two phrases convey what we were feeling. So we took a cab together, dropped him off at his sister’s place for an extended family dinner and had a nice uneventful flight.

I’ll continue the rest later, I’m sorry this was meant to be a recap, as in SUMMARY SANDRA! Not a long grandmother’s story.
Believe it or not, I left out a lot of details but I suppose it’s the gist with just enough for you to really know what an amazing guy ed is.

I love my kitty.

2006-12-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

i'm so proud of you 2nd LT officer!

2006-11-14T21:22:00.000+08:00

was reading up on the history of the british royal family as a form of procrastination, after fiona white placed princess mary's picture under 'fortuitous events'.

since the beginning of the year after we borrowed martini glasses from perla (refered to as salisbury rob so as to avoid confusion with the other paulines named rob such as doctor rob, hobo rob etc)
i kept trying to place my finger on why perla looked so familiar then i realised that he bears a striking resemblence to prince william.
i'll try digging up photos of perla so you all can see that i'm not delusional, oh prince william looks really good in the picture of him on wikipedia and another one of him on with harry on harry's 'profile'.

i'm not one of those really whacked princess diana conspriacy theorists but seriously you can't have that great a looking kid with i-wish-i-was-your-tampon.

2006-11-09T01:32:00.000+08:00

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth		78%
Intellect		70%
Emotional Stability		54%
Aggressiveness		74%
Liveliness		62%
Dutifulness		66%
Social Assertiveness		70%
Sensitivity		62%
Paranoia		46%
Abstractness		70%
Introversion		46%
Anxiety		54%
Openmindedness		62%
Independence		66%
Perfectionism		70%
Tension		30%

Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Cattell's 16 Factor Key
Factor low score high score
Warmth cold, selfish supportive, comforting
Intellect instinctive, unstable cerebral, analytical
Emotional Stability irritable, moody level headed, calm
Aggressiveness modest, docile controlling, tough
Liveliness somber, restrained wild, fun loving
Dutifulness untraditional, rebellious somewhat conforming, traditional
Social Assertiveness shy, withdrawn uninhibited, bold
Sensitivity coarse, tough touchy, soft
Paranoia trusting, easy going wary, suspicious
Abstractness practical, regular strange, imaginative
Openmindedness closeminded, set-in-ways curious, exploratory
Perfectionism disorganized, messy orderly, thorough
Tension stressed, unsatisfied relaxed, cool

2006-11-03T11:03:00.000+08:00

great the only day of the week that it's raining and i'm actually up.

doing what? listening to vicin' o' mare right now, the rain outside really accompanies faint sounds of the waves in the song i tried accessing the lecture recordings and notes online but apparently i've run out of credit, i've had 13 since tuesday and it's barely friday morning.

reckon it must be cause of philly's insane usage of facebook which like anyother networking site burns up internet credit like nobody's business even more so when you've been uploading your own pics and acessing other's pages crammed with photos.

can you say burning up extro account funds?

to comfort myself for being the unproductive git i am, i'll put up a rough study time table now.

friday
late morning - cognition
afternoon - cognitionnight - cognition

sat
late morning - social
afternoon - social
night - social

sun
late morning - developmental
late afternoon - bio
night - bio

mon - bio
morning - bio
afternoon - bio
night - bio

TUESDAY DIE! bio exam at 9am, YAY at mc larin hall.

tues after bio exam and wed - frantic cramming of cognition and social

THURSDAY morning still cramming for exam at 1.50 t PNR building which is so freaking far away seriously. that's just plain mean.

to think anymore about next week i'll just die so i'm not going to.

bet i'll be super unproductive today, esp jen's coming over.

where's my self control!!!!!

ARGH ARGH ARGH!!

2006-11-02T00:34:00.000+08:00

heard from renee that ellie might possibly not be coming back to college next year, so i was left pondering about who was to replace her as cultural secretary.

possibly me?

there's 3 positions avaible for next year.

fund raising secretary
but i rather it be more along the lines of charity work instead of raising more alcohol money for us to only end up throwing everything up at the end of the night
food secretary which i have been eyeing since the end of last year, come on how perfect would i be for it? i eat crap loads tho it seems most of the time it isn't sancta food. but still.. when i considering running for cultural secretary philly nd ishy vehemently protested against the idea, going on about how blashemous for me not to be food sec.
cultural slot which could very possibly be free for me next year.
come on admit it, how cultured am i. seriously am i not one of the most cultured people you've ever met? no? darn..
but really i am!

i did art history and AEP for 4 years, had higher art award
received an offer to exhibit my work
currently working in the uni art collection gallery - which is one stepping stone closer to me getting my ultimate dream job of museum curator in europe
my room is filled with all my drawings
i was part of the cultural and liturgical comm
i could name almost every single art work in vince's place
everyone says i'm so artsy
considering doing a double degree of european art history in 2 years time WHEN i get my psyc honours
i so appreciate european culture
i listen to patrizio and other italian music!!
i'm learning italian and latin
for fun and procratination, i draw
i ogle at art history books
all my blogs have been named or influenced by art works
i want to take a year off and travel europe, mostly rome and italy.
i'm taking ancient history
i want to learn how to proper slow dance and waltz (tango too!)
i like the ballet, and like ballet
i like the opera well only madame butterfly and figaro.

blah blah blah see, haven't i proved my point??

2006-11-01T18:09:00.000+08:00

very unproductive week it has been.

friday
spent sleeping after the relatively big night at the sals, 145am congee & constantinople (istnabul) pizza run then checking out my personal eye candy

saturday
more sleeping till 3am then got ready for jen's caterin job
catering
had a brilliant chat with tyler at jen's shop

sunday
on the phone with sammy for almost 2 hrs
spent 40 mins trying to unknot my hair
watched sam show us around the messed up sim's house where the 3 nerds got impregnated by aliens and who cry for comfrot. hilarous.

monday
sleeping, doing ancient history journal
totally forgot about daylight savings so i went to a closed sophi office suhc a waste of my life
had a veronica mars marathon, well it was only 3 episodes exclusing one i had already watched
read up on veronica mars

tuesday
- extremely disrupted sleep from my snooze button that goes off for every 9 mins for the past 2 and a half hours
- crappy tuesday lunch
- uni museum work again satyed till quater past 5 cause i was a bit late and it was louise in charge instead of katie.
- bought a deck of cards for charles but it was mostly for my own warped amusement, don't think he'll get the joke significance of it but still. he wasn't in tho, his neighbour well 3 doors down anyway said he was in canberra for stuvac.
-popped by mike's room for a gossip but he already knew the 'hot news' i had about the girls' he's been with damn it, so anti climatic but he was touched by me trekking all the way to pauls just to break the news to him. which he already knew damn it!
feeling bad for making him miss dinner which ends at 630 seriously that's stupid, why would it end so early.
-nandos was calsed couldn't be bothere to actually get proper food to eat so i just broke into my stash of emergency food.
-spent the rest of the night with sammy planning out our rooms for next yeat since the draw list was going down at midnight.

2006-10-31T03:00:00.000+08:00

i'm just feeling a twinge of sadness bout how next year is going to turn out at college.

most of the paulines i know are graduating thus this would be the last couple of times i get to hang out with them, which is such a pity after getting to know such great guys.
and it's always the end of year when you're wondering if your friends would be returning next year, it's all nice being in this state of ignorane happy bliss where you don't have to worry if your group of friends are depleting.

the whole fear of the unknown.

hopefully i'll be a great senior next year, and even more hopefully i'll get kath hubbard's room which i'm really eyeing at the moment.

but on the whole it's spacious enough to put in an extra desk, sofa and the whole lot. cupboard space is GREATLY reduced.

where am i gonna put all my clothes/shoes???!!

haha such a sandra thing to worry about.

so many disadvantages of quad side room,
1. you tend to get all the noise from the quad obviously. the acoustics of the place is simply amazing every small sound is amplified, i would have thought the sandstone interior would have absorbed the noise but that doesn't seem to be the case.

2. unfortunately it's facing in so there goes the morning sunrises and gorgeous morning sunshine streaming through the windows, i've really grown so fond off it.
i really can't help being all sentimental but i do feel all sad.

i won't be getting any morning OR afternoon sun being in west. consolation sandy, western roman empire!

2b. another issue about it facing in, i'll be deprived of all the nudie runs!!! i want to be on the forefront of such important intercol issues!

2c. i can't leave my windows open at night lest there be people leering/perving at moi.

perks of moving into kath's room next year.

it's so pretty!

that's about it. ha but it's not really considered cause its how she does it up.
well but i'm still really pro north 202/=.

so so so so hope i get it man

2006-10-30T22:09:00.000+08:00

clearly the thing works but it took i reckon about a week to be 'google-able', so be patient
so anyway i'm making some revisions to it.
btw ignore the previous one dated the 21st of this month, i'm just leaving it there so i don't have to go through the whole one week++ time lapse before our names can be googled.

most generic terms applicable for all of us.

sancta sophia college, sydney university, usyd, 2005 2006, B.R.A BRA beware running amazionians, occult, sophs, hot paulines, procrastination, sals, formals, informals, paul's,

now to the general specifics

jennifer walpole
twin, freak show, psychic connection, arts degree, graduate class 2006, thai, japanese, asain studies, whip, establishment, stripper, cult leader, randwick girls, bobby robert desmond catterall (sp?), severed buddah head, alcohol, red bull, extravagant spender, tuxedo shirts, teacup catering, pontip asian grocery shop, naked pauline.

philippa crowter
veterinary vet science, animals, eurasian, hong kong, chinese international school, british citizen, freak of nature back, philly, vegetarian, catering, nick 'he counts' dunford, lin-bin, wilting wallflower (she wanted it in here!)

samantha siripol
physiology, psychology, immunolgy, advance bachelor of science degree, canberra, canberra grammar girls school, parliment house, crazy cat lady, cats, chaser, jordan, harlot.

sandra ho
psychology, ancient history, latin, human biology, italian, art history, petite, art museum, eating, ballet, patrizio buanne, singapore, crazy singing, CHIJ, IJ, AEP, sailing, lazy, catering, beer.

that's all for now i reckon, got to get started on my ancient history revision. have to cover 150-800AD. 650 painful years of convulated details.

2006-10-30T21:52:00.000+08:00

goodness it works!
i half forgot about my experiment on increasing our internet presence but goodness it works! as evident by sammy's tag entry today/yesterday!!

coolies and also stumbled upon this webSHITE by one of the people from philly's old school! it was beyond blatant that the person who created the webshite was "clearly OBVIOUSLY retarded". and not to mention sad, hello it's a recent site documenting his 13th birthday!

i mean how utterly sad can you get, it was 7 freaking years ago and the english? good grief i don't even want to get started on how ghastly it was, haha philly and i did have a good laugh at it tho. she's considering meeting up with him for my and our own amusement but then there would be the problem of shaking him off once he's latched on like a sucking leech who sucks suckily (i'm going with the whole black adder alleteration thing which i think i'm not quite so successful)

speaking of webshites, i'm putting up some links courtesey of sammy whose sense of humour is.... uh very crazy old cat lady. goodness you all have got to meet my college friends they're hilarious. ah college.

man i'm SO NOT looking forward to going back for THREE WHOLE MONTHS!

looks like the tv's gonna be replacing jen and philly as my new level 1 friends for the summer break.

2006-10-23T15:52:00.000+08:00

we made a pact to take the time
to get to know each other deep inside
no rushing in to cross the line
it maybe a little old fashioned but it feels so right

bridge:
been holding back for so long
what feels so right can't be wrong
baby you can read it in my eyes
let's write the story of our lives tonight

Chorus:
don't be afraid, turn down the lights
baby move in closer it's gonna be alright
this is the moment we'll remember all our lives
forever begins tonight

i know you're feeling those butterflies
well let me tell you a secret so am i
well baby it's ok baby it's alright
just follow our hearts now
to what we feel inside

been holding back for so long
what feels so right can't be wrong
baby you can read it in my eyes
let's write the story of our lives tonight

don't be afraid, turn down the lights
baby move in closer it's gonna be alright
this is the moment we'll remember all our lives
forever begins tonight

i know it'll be alright when we see the morning sun

italian bits which i'm still trying to learn by listening.

2006-10-21T18:56:00.000+08:00

very sad.

we were talking about our internet presence or lack thereof (not fair that jordon has a gazillion sites on him then again he's OLD, hear that jordan!)

so anyway to increase our non existence on the internet i'm gonna to just add random search words to our names so at least when people google us something about us pops up. sad huh. you can really tell i'm procrastinating

most generic terms applicable for all of us.
sancta sophia college, sydney university, usyd, 2005 2006, B.R.A beware running amazionians, occult, sophs, hot paulines, procrastination, sauls, formals, informals, paul's,

now to the general specifics

jennifer walpole
twin, freak show, psychic connection, arts degree, thai, japanese, whip, cult leader, randwick, bobby, bob mobile, buddah head, alcohol, tuxedo shirts, catering, asian grocery shop, naked pauline.
philippa crowter
vet science, nick, hong kong, american school, british citizen, tall, philly, richard dawkins, vegetarian, catering
samantha siripol
physiology, psychology, immunolgy, canberra, canberra grammar girls school, jordan, harlot,
sandra ho
psychology, ancient history, latin, human biology, italian, art history, petite, art museum, patrizio buanne, singapore, crazy singing, sailing, lazy, catering, beer.

hmmm ok i'm going to test it and google us now.
taa!

2006-10-20T06:12:00.000+08:00

niki-san:
oh my god sandra i was walking past your room early this morning. were you playing roxanne????

haha guilty as charged.

watching moulin rogue has reignited my wanting to learn to tango. the main problem, well main problems.
number 1, height - terribly difficult to get a partner
number 2, no guy in his right mind wants to learn how to dance.
seriously there's nothing wrong with learning to dance.

ah well i'll see how it'll go next year.

2006-10-17T06:30:00.000+08:00

reckon i'm in my ovulation period and that would explain why my hair was just so darned fabulous on fri.

but anyway it's also a very convenient biological excuse as to why i'm obsessing about guys right now.

hmmm preference for guy body shape.

i like one toned and somewhat muscular. the best sport for that?
water sports. well water sports in boats anyway.
swimmers, really broad shoulders and disproportionate V shape, which i don't find attractive at all.

so it's sailors or rowers for me.

but one sport i profess utter um.. dislike for is rugby.

seriously.
thick necks eww,
generally squared heads,
over developed calves ewwww,
massive chunky thighs even more eww,
lumpy overly bumpy biceps/triceps/muscles,
excessively bumpy silhloutte.

for our usual girl conversation, we described down the the precise details on the ideal body type. jen says my preference tends to be a bit pudgy. which i resent, well not really.
cause that's what describes ME at the moment.

i like a bit of the v shape but more of a straight but butch figure. toned but not muscular. bit of fat to pad about the edges is fantastic. no i'm not being sarcastic.
but i don't like skinny/lanky/scrawny guys who have less flesh than i do on mine.
you know, those sort of slightly, only very slightly thick torso from the side view.

yeah butch's the word i suppose.

oh yep, niki uses the word butch to describe my taste in guys, which is actually quite astute. even if that word does have negative connotations in sg.

well think i'll go take a short nap till bout 9 stupid body clock is all messed up.
then call for a doctor's appointment

so toodles!

oh oh can't forget surfers! great bod too. reminded me of this guy alexandra and i drool over.
at least i did get one thing out of being dragged to watch charlie's angels 2 with justin, ming and ed. only fair that both sexes get eye candy.

that's not the most flattering picture of him, but man oh man oh man you should just watch charlie for he's such a hottie! tho he's a biiiiiiiit less butch that i like but still.

so anyway he appeared in the surfing scene with the very appropriate song playing..

danger! danger! high voltage!

2006-10-17T05:06:00.000+08:00

disclaimer,
dear derek ie darling stupidboy, i know you've read my blog before, so please do NOT read this entry (actually the past 5 ones too, to be on the safe side of course) lest you want to be somewhat tramautised or at least midly disturbed by what goes on in your sister's head.

then again i'm more tramautised by what i KNOW goes on in yours. ok now shoo boy! you're a legend!
KISSY KISSY KISS KISS!

monday night, 9pm.

level 1 friend philly and i were in the late dinining room getting our chow, thankful that we skipped the still running valentant dinner.

randomly spaced out midway during the conversation with a dreamy little smile on my face, eyes glazed.
then snapped out of my reverie to a very bemused philly.

she quipped: as a dear level 1 friend i can tell what is of your fantasy. no prizes for guessing who the main character of that said fantasy is.
and he's wearing nothing but teensy weensy sports shorts. [very matter of factly]

me shakes head slighty with gleam in my eyes.

philly: okaaaay, in undies. boxer undies?

me shakes head with devilish smile tugging on the corner of my lip.

philly: okay, in full glorious glory (ok i can't quite remember exactly what she said here, but it was along those lines)

slips back into that said fantasy for a micro second.

laughing then explaining animatedly: damn it! how sad that even in my head it's censored. you know, you know, you visualise the guy down to the details but there's this black rectangle across it!
or or!
or you can visualise him from head to torso, then there's this processing blank then continues from thighs onwards! WHY! oh WHY!

philly: at least he doesn't count.

good point.
ha.

2006-10-17T03:50:00.000+08:00

oh yes,
the origins of that 'thing' for snail trails, (see oct 15 sunday's entry, it's one or two down from this one)

was very predictably from a calvin klein ad i saw at 12ish i reckon.
reinforced by another very delectable dior model

yes yes as a kid i was reading vogue, actually my first magazine subscription i had was victoria's secret. well it was the previous tenants when we lived at ford avenue but we still continue to recive them for about 2 years. wonder who's paying the subscrption fees even after obviously not been receiving them?

ahh, snail trails. hot damn!

p.s i do NOT like chest hair, a light smattering is alright by me, but not 'a springy mat of chest hair' or 'chest hair you could run your fingers through'.
how repulsive seriously.

those quotes were courtesy of those thrashy sandra brown novels my sis used to read devoutly. she's actually finished all those in orchard and tp library which is really scary. but i read one to see what could entrance my sister who has never once opened a book for reading leisure prior to that.

very clearly, it was trashy to say the very least.
read a couple more to get the really bad quotes. haha it was crap-tacular!

man, whenever mike's drunk, he very proudly whips off his shirt to display his pecs, biceps, triceps, blah blah blah whatever he's been working out.

to use a sandra term, he's all 'tumor-y'. but that's not the point.

the thing is that his chest is, well maybe you can't really say chest cause it's all covered by hair, ewwwwwwwww.

my aversion and repulsion to chest hair is attributed to beauty and the beast.
no, not the beast.
GASTON! when he rips his shirt opening singing (actually more like bellowing)

every inch of my chest is all covered in HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR!

then your poor eyes see things it was never meant to see, MAN! its supposed to be a disney movie! wholesome disney movie and you put THAT? urgh.
even watching that 2 weeks ago at 19 was tramautising.

bare skin all the way man.

bare skin!

2006-10-16T17:01:00.000+08:00

credit's given when credit's due.

the paul's formal was more spectacular, more fabulous, more amazing way more freaking extravagant than sancta's!
well their after formal party anyway.

ok something i found to be really cool,
my name was on the list.

i felt like those hot shot people who rock up to a very exclusive venue, then the bouncer says, go on in, you're on the list.
okay it's a first for me but seriously, even philly thought it was cool that our names were on the list.

blaring music, white marquee up, proper bar with beer taps.. OMG IS THAT A JUMPING CASTLE? A JUMPING FREAKING CASTLE? OMG IT IS!

*runs over screaming hysterically* with philly not far behind. chucked off our shoes and away we went!

is that jen? OMG HI ELLE! (jen's twin sister)
she was sitting on the castle exhausted from all the crazy bouncing. all three of us jumped about very enthusiastically. didn't even care about my hair which half an hour before was the nicest my hair had ever been in the history of ever. (so much so that random people wanted to touch it cause it was just so unbelievably gorgeous!)

spotted a very sleazy looking fred (does he have any other looks besides sleazy? i think not..)
so anyway we found a very-tipsy-jen and a happily-smiling-glazed-eyed-vince on the dancefloor. ahh the wonderful effects of alcohol.

so danced till decided more booze more boooze!

me being the one with the in built hostess complex i popped over to the bar. then charles spotted me, exchanged hellos, started going all coy on him. then out of nowhere he started..

love.. love is like.. OXYGEN!
love is many a spendored thing!
LOVE LIFTS us up to where we belong!

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE! then we burst out into a very robust(?) all you need is love.

the bartender was giving us weird looks, darn. i recognise that look, it says uuuhh i'm not quite sure i should be serving you seemingly drunk couple. to which that thought dispelled when i put on the sandra charm, and got him another beer as usual. ha.

urgh beer is pretty vile. not as bad as pure vodka straight up tho.

so we talked and sang for a bit, till his date came over, pecked him on the cheek then left to drag the lot to the jumping castle. started attacking philly with trying to take pictures of her popping out of the brand new skanky dress i bought for her birthday. very skanky. seriously only she can pull it off.

so anyway jen and vince fell 'accidently' into the corner together and 'accidently' started making out, so people left the jumping castle. hahaha! but philly and i still continued jumping and screaming and kung fu kicking the wall.

danced more.

got more beers.

danced even more.

we eventually settled for the three benches which was positioned at a right angle. was lying down on one when vince beckoned allie and her date to join us. got more beers, everyone thanked me profusely then i mentioned oh i'm happy when others are happy.
then jen commended me ' that's the kind of attitude i like in my slave workers' thanks jen..
haha

so anyway charles once again was amazed at my amazing bar skills and tried to weasel my secret out. hmmm honestly i don't quite know cause maybe the bar people can recognise oters in the service industry. so maybe that's it.

yeah, philly tried calling lin the whole night to get him to come over.

saw mikey and said hi on the floor, which somehow i regret cause he abandoned his whole date, totally ignoring her for the rest of the night to pseudo-waltz with me around, and talk with us when he realised that we were at the formal.

philly and i were dancing when she accidently jumped on my toes in her stilettoes, injuring my poor right foot middle toe. limped off to find somewhere to assess the damage. one of the guy's not very astute friend's appraoched me asking if i could get him more beers since i'm now famed for it within the college.

brushed him off, telling him i'll help him later, and pacified him by giving him my beer which i hardly touched.

the skin of my poor toe had peeled off in a circular patch, then i pulled the skin back over the wound then continued to the bar and chucked beer on it then realised that there wasn't enough alcohol in beer to be an effective disinfectent so i ran it under the drinking water, plastered it up then went back dancing.
when you're pumped with adrenaline at being at the college event of the year, you really don't want to sit it out.

danced, danced danced.

music ended. then vince suggested we continue the afterparty at his corridor, dubbed party corridor.

he has the most disgusting room in the history of obscenly vulgar and horrifying college rooms.
it's so not right.

it's more than 6 times the size of MY ROOM!
has his own en suite bathroom and shower.
a 52 inch plasma tv, with 4 full sized stereos that was up to my shoulders.
surround sound system.
DVD player, VCR i think, Sound system, and a whole lot of other consoles i didn't recognise.
10 piece sofa set with funky red perspex coffee table.
massive sized desk.
even a pseudo fireplace that stimulates a 'burning fire'
windows all around.
and that's ALL in his LIVING ROOM

his BEDROOM had smaller modest tv that is way more college than that obscence monster outside. bed, blah the usual bed room furniture.

oh oh not forgetting extra points for having a hot neighbour.

that's the end of the formal's after party and the start of our even crazier one that kicked all ass..
more later. i'm going to dinner now.

toodles.

ARGH! hot hot neighbour! hahah!

2006-10-15T01:44:00.000+08:00

seriously how great is my self control?

i didn't rush out to buy patrizio's album on the day it was out, instead going today or tmr, when my assignments are over and done with.

why?
cause knowing me all too well, i'll just put the entire cd on repeat, learn the lyrics in italian and spanish and do nothing else. (i was guilty of that with his first cd)
i think angelo was done in spanish, he did languages in university,
hot damn!
how swoon worthy is a guy who can seduce you in a whole multitude of languages, romance ones at that!

another really random super hot thing about a guy, is that whorl of hair that is practically an arrow directing you to a happy place.

haha, man ''snail trails'' are super hot.

2006-10-13T14:50:00.000+08:00

ok skipped stupid prac cause it was too damn bloody hot.

for the past couple of days the weather was gorgeous, now it's turned to shite. hopefully the weather would tone down by 4 cause that's when social is due.

anyway i'm so not walking all the way to carslaw besides just being in the presence of my group memebers makes me want to slit my wrists with a random piece of paper.

uh, that was kinda an inside joke. for our personality/differential tutorial we were asked to write down as many creative uses of paper. and someone put down weapon. so the 2nd time round, sammy put down 'suicide tool' to which melodramatic me did a one person scence

ARGH life isn't worth living anymoOOoOoOore! then pretended to procced slitting my wrists with paper. No! NO! put that paper doooown. put it down, now that's right..

ok it's funny when i did it, or at least i think it's funny.

2006-10-12T09:42:00.000+08:00

paul's formal is coming up..

sigh.. if only it were an ideal world.

2006-10-12T01:24:00.000+08:00

patrizio's album's coming out!
patrizio's album's coming out!

2006-10-09T15:44:00.000+08:00

fabulous quote by ainsely, which is undoubtedly going into my quotes book.

you know sandra, it's so great talking to you, you're so refreshing.
you don't remember how good it is to talk to you until the next time you do.

it's like your period, you don't remeber how painful it is until you next have it. haha!

ah yes, it IS painful talking to me. hehe.
good grief, i'm so gonna swing all my friends to vote for her.

2006-10-09T15:34:00.000+08:00

politics almost always splits up the best of groups.
yeah, the college elections are tmr and there's this uncomfortable tension between good friends and immensely divided loyalties.

well my vote for elections are as follows:
executive
senior student - colmer
secretary - renee
treasurer - camellie (MG -my god - i've been friends with her for so long and yet i can't spell her name!)

liturgical - karla (it's a dead shoo in)
social - ainsley and amy dynan
food - ME!

senior intercol - sarah standford
soph intercol - rach beck

just had the most insightful talk with ainsley, i think she'll do a brilliant job, she's like sara vanz without the crazy in your face partner.

pity there isn't a sarah steele in our year. sigh, everytime i think of college all my fond memories are of her. in fact she was the first student i met at sancta, i was the first fresher to have 'booked in' and she invited me to her room for tea and a chat, then later out with her friends for dinner. goodness there's no other college person who is half as perfect as she is.
my year has some rather good ones, but the factor they lack from steele is that she not only united her entire year but she really minimised the segregation between years.

so here's a toast to you steele.

not only the best senior student a college could have but the most genuine friend you could have

2006-10-08T01:42:00.000+08:00

i would so describe the details of the soap opera that unfurled during the formal if i wasn't worried about certain ahem aspects get around and we all land in hot water.

dates
jen - vincent
phil - the 'whu'
sam - jordon aka leering pseudo italian fabio-esqe 'lover man'
alexandra - mary joy
tanzy - forgot her name
ish - deep
niki -san sans carl
yours truly - king-o

name cards read
jenny's joust (not really)
philppa's pony
samantha's stallion (*raises eyebrow* what they trying to get at?)
sandra's star

so let's just summarise it into innocuous harmless points. (in chronological order)

red-green colour blind people can have such offensive perceived to be 'beige' pants which in actual fact are bright bright aqua.
some random took a photo of me with my entire hand down my top trying to dig out the gold coins..
classy.
i ate a plate of salted butter (minus 3 slices) instead of chugging a glass of vile red wine down.
even classier.
eventually sculled the red down anyway with 2 more bubbly-s throughout the evening
table expressed different very warped opinions/conspiracy theories about steak and chicken in relation to balls and racks respectively
outside the toilet put on sterotypical girl bitching
sauntered over to charles regarding me calling him really randomly.
(danger danger high voltage!)
'you're f**king amazing' -to me!!
twice.
crazy dancing in 3 inch heels.
vultures descended upon the two for the whole night
the time we got kicked out of holme
grose
'come back with me tonight mike'
followed by very indecent crotch rubbing. ew seriously.
'it is my destiny that i go for congee tonight.'
shop raid
'may i please have some more sir?'
one man monologue on the evils of fried asian 'rooster', congee, pork fairy floss all to a kebab.
'we have special congee for white boy'
HSBC - Hot Steaming Bloody Congee
'nah it's alright we'll just blame it on the employees'
back to college =(

2006-10-07T14:40:00.000+08:00

formal's
fun
fantastic
fantabulous
fandaberdoosie

you won't really get this entry's format unless you refer to the seating name cards.

2006-10-01T04:44:00.000+08:00

2006-10-01T04:42:00.000+08:00

goodness, isn't he just deliriously gorgeous, the epitome of italian godliness. the sort you hope roam all over.. rome. haha. but goodness, *swoon*

but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, his stupid album company just HAD to put that wretched picture on his album cover! bloody hell. why not this one instead! huh! huh! ok you can't really see his totally roman emperor nose in that pic, it's elusive, like his chances of coming to sydney again and me getting good seats!

seriously.

seriously gorgeous swoon.

2006-10-01T01:01:00.000+08:00

zouk addict you!

2006-09-30T02:43:00.000+08:00

was reading the sydney morning herald blog entitled all men are liars *except sam de brito.
http://blogs.smh.com.au/allmenareliars/

which is an extremely entertaining blog, mind you. so entertaining in fact, that he included an entry about the age long (no pun intended) topic of the male appendage.
for your kicks he even provided a measurement chart for all your males out there to print out, hold it under your prized family gem, and see how you flare compared to the average, high average, mr teensy and krong -the butt cruncher (as jen so delightfully scares/terrifies guys with coming up with that name for her imaginary male appendage).

reminds me of this key chain i was so tempted to get for ed just to see his expression. to do that would have been vulgar, and he thought (then 3 years ago) i was such a sweet darling girl uncorrupted by social evils (tho now i can assured you that impression sure has changed).

the key chain was segmented into thirds, in a hierachical ordering, which read something like..

small
.
.
average
.
.
OH MY GOD!!

ok i know you fellas are itching for the penis comparison chart so here's the link.
enjoy but don't feel terribly emasculated if you don't measure up (haha! what a clever stupid pun)

http://www.neo-tech.com/penis/

anyway back to the blog

as the title goes, all mean are liars *except sam de brito

so to prove that he's as fair dinkum as they get, he had a whole answer and question entry. anything goes.
brutally honest, some of the questions, even he foretold would be predictable.
like drugs, cheating, prior crimes and convictions, lying to the police for your mates etc..

anyway someone asked how many kids would you have? to which he replied 4.
then someone else left a reply saying you sure? that's so many!

not going to get into great detail of the biological aspects and comparisons between males and females cause it'll only make me feel like i have to start on my damned cognitive and social report. which i'm really not looking forward to.

anyway the point was about having 4 kids, which is the number of kids i want. maybe 2 boys 2 girls so each gender won't be lacking company (sometimes i feel bad for my brother being brought up in a household so overrun with oestrogen/progesterone)

after the catering gig last sat, the hostess adrianne looked beyond amazing for someone who just had her 3rd kid about 2 years ago judging from the pics of her youngest kid. man i really hope i look half as good as her after 4 kids.

they were a really good looking couple. the husband in more of a typical slightly long shaggy hair aussie kinda way. he was sooooooo unbelievably paternal to their son sam who's about 9, the epitome of how a great dad is. this is in no way a dig at my dad's parenting skills.

the host (simply cause i forgot his name) was lounging about the house with a beer bottle in hand, ironing (!!) and hoisted sam up on his shoulders asking him if he wanted to watch the footie with him, then really patiently explained which teams where playing and sam was like but aren't the eagles playing to which he corrected his son so lovingly. then they sat on the couch together getting all revved up for the match, playfully wrestling.

touching scence really.
ok this is gonna sound really stupid,overly idealistic with lots of oxytocin flying around but i really want the future father of my kids to be like that, combined with my dad's intellect.

is it really that hard to imagine ME with 4 kids in the FAR future.

argh really don't want to end up like the women's girl who got knocked up by a pauline who is now marrying her cause of that. imagine all the resentment, not being able to enjoy all the carefree things your peers are indulging and discovering.
all those lost oppourtunities.

that is why my views on pre marital sex are conversative compared to all my aussie friends, not so much catholic upbringing or cultural norms but the massive fear that i might very unfortunately end up like the women's girl's situation or auntie ginnie's daughter's who's in her early 20s with a 2 year old kid.
few things are worse than having an unwanted child, who's only gonna suffer the stigma from being unwanted and being unloved by his parents.

that's why i'm so thankful to be me.
and pooh pooh to the comment that i wished i was pregnant so i could explain my ugh stomach. really don't want to be pregnant until i'm AT LEAST 28.

2006-09-29T20:40:00.000+08:00

to mark my 300th entry

we made a pact to take the time to get to know each other deep inside
no rushing in to cross the line
it maybe a little old fashioned but it feels so right

been holding back for so long
what feels so right can't be wrong
baby you can read it in my eyes
let's write the story of our lives tonight

Chorus:
don't be afraid, turn down the light
baby move in closer
it's gonna be alright
this is the moment we'll remember all our lives
forever begins tonight

i know you're feeling those butterflies
well let me tell you a secret so am i
but it's ok, baby it's alright
let's follow our hearts
what we feel inside

patrizio's forever begins tonight

**
can't remember the later parts, my memory capacity reached it's limit trying to get the lyrics down word for word
and considering his concert (ie best 2 plus hours of my life) was over 4 months ago, i would have to say that my memory is pretty darn amazing.
but do give me a break for my amazing memory, it's close to impossible to pick up all the lyrics of a song heard for the very first time whilst you're being overwhelmed by all the emotion he's singing with.
but i must admit, closer to the end of the above lyrics i had a little help from the snippet playing on his website, go! i know you're tempted! oh go on!
http://www.patriziobuanne.com/
OH OH! watch the videos for longer snippets of his songs.
alas his nose is so italian.

2006-09-29T15:49:00.000+08:00

toothbrush update!

SOMEONE USED IT!HA SO IN YOUR FREAKING FACE!

wonder how come they couldn't taste that it was off?

2006-09-28T14:33:00.000+08:00

procrastinate:

comes from latin
pro - meaning for
crastinus - meaning tomorrow

procrastinate = for tomorrow

and that's what i have been doing for the past week, damn it.

2006-09-27T13:11:00.000+08:00

what to wear!!

2006-09-26T21:52:00.000+08:00

damned sushi, unagi to be precise. that's eel if you didn't already know.
so anyway around 5-6 on friday morning, this nasty feeling washed over me and settled around my belly button. it was so uncomfortable there and then i could have sympathised with those human incubator pods of alien spawn from the movies, where the developed spawn tussles with my stomach only to burst out of my stomach, of course leaving its human host for dead.
that's how it felt.

thought it was a bad case of stomach flu or maybe my stomach throwing in the towel after me blatantly abusing and neglecting it for so long -
'i have HAD ENOUGH!
hey stop having only one meal a day! just having dinner and lots of chocolate doesn't do it for me you know..!!'

but after rolling about in bed, with nauseau visting me every few minutes for almost the whole day, i called my sis up for some medical adivce.

took gilisel (however you spell it) to settle the nauseau, then fell asleep in a kneeling position.

yes it IS the most uncomforatble position to sleep in but it was the least agitative on my poor stomach. woke up slightly more than an hour after with the worst neck, legs, ankle aches ever.

won't really give much details about this since it's a rather old entry which i realised i didn't post so that's just a brief account of my first ever food poisoning. this entry was dated for the 21st of aug. so here it is slightlymore than a month later.

nasty thing food poisoning is.

a week later, my friends wanted to go to newtown for sushi after mass. can't avoid japanese food all my life.

you could read it as me tempting fate for another bout of food poisoning after polishing off 4 servings of unagi. but ever the psychology student, i had to put food aversion and elimination of fear techniques into practise.
which worked i must say, i'm back to eating happy loads of unagi and sushi.

so paying 25 grand (AUS) per year for a psychology degree, does come in handy.

2006-09-24T17:56:00.000+08:00

..you see these shackles baby i'm your slave
i'll let you whip me when i misbehave..

justin timberlake's sexyback

amusing lines aren't they. when i heard them, the first thought that flashed through my head was..
that sounds very.. jen.

during prep for liturgical dinner, alex commented how can they credit the song to justin timberlake when most of the vocals were by some woman.
when i heard the song,

that ain't no woman.

it's justin.

righto.

2006-09-22T00:31:00.000+08:00

my god i just realised, it's been slightly more than a year since i was last picked up.

damn i really must have lost it.

2006-09-21T05:15:00.000+08:00

right now i wish i was pregnant so i have an explaination for that thing of a stomach..

2006-09-18T00:11:00.000+08:00

THURS MORNING
i had initially left my toothbrush and toothpaste in the bathroom in my basket of toiletries since i was in rush for class and didn't have enough time to put it back in my room. hiding my toothbrush behing my towering shampoo bottles, i completely forgot about my toothbrush.

SAT
but on sat night i discovered that my toothbrush was caked in toothpaste dripping. it was vile & disgusting! then it hit me.

the disturbing realisation that SOMEONE HAS BEEN BLOODY USING MY BLEEDING TOOTHBRUSH! HOW LOW CAN YOU GET! YOU'RE BEYOND VILE, BEYOND DISGUSTING! IT'S REPULSIVE!

*stomach lurches*

on friday morning, once again in my rush to be not so late for bio lab prac i didn't give much thought to the fact that my toothbrush wasn't where i left it.

ARGH i want to rinse out my alimentary canal with acid if possible. how gross.

it's so utterly sick running a mental list of the girls living along my corridor, any one of them could have used my toothbrush.

judging from the caked toothpaste trail on the brush handle, hygiene is one major thing she lacks.

gross.

even thinking about it makes my stomach contents (water, milk, vitamin C tablet and cookie) swirl and churn unplesantly.

SO..

had a rant to phil at 4 in the morning, then chucked out my relatively new pink toothbrush which the tell tale victim and my backup one i had left there in the bathroom for ages.

went to four (five) star to pick up toothbrush for phil and i.

toothbrushes aren't cheap! it was 5 dollars a pop!

anyway came up with the idea of scrubbing a fantastic brilliant revenge idea while giving alex a back massage.

the plan: to scrub the toilet/cistern/inside of sink pipes with our violated toothbrushes then placing them back so the unsuspecting toothbrush using perpetrator would use them!

leapt of falex, bounding across the corridor to the bin where i had chucked my 2 brushes. unfortunately the bin was emptied out.

so was quite anti climatic that i couldn't exact out my vengeful punishment on the evil deserving after all the wild crazy ideas that were popping out in my head!

.
.
.
.

met philly in the toilet getting ready for bed, then she chucked her own victimised toothbrush into the bin,
to which i excitedly picked it up giggled and humming dean martin's baby it's cold outside whilst i cleaned the rims of the toilet bowl, dipped it in the cistern, scrubbed the flap of the bin for sanitary napkins for extra good measure!

it was vile.
it was FABULOUS!

hahahaha!

heard a few ewww-s and saaaaaaaaaaaaaan-s in philly's silent laughter (yes it was quite a scene!) she was groaning at my ethusiasm and the thought of someone putting that into their mouth.. kept saying but san what if i forget [and use that toothbrush].

let's just say i made sure she'll NEVER forget.

*psychotic manical laughter*

a minute later i placed the "special toothbrush" back into philly's cup

her face spoke tales of disgust, horror and pure maniacal laughter at the thought of revenge being dished out!

i feel so empowered right now.

hahahahahaha..

hope you like toilet flavoured toothbrush!

2006-09-11T19:48:00.000+08:00

For the first time, for the first time,
I'm in love
For the first time, for the first time,
I found love
From the moment I saw you I was in rapture
Every moment after that I've lived in the clouds
Come prima, come prima, I can thrill
Come prima, I love you and always will

You're the first one, yes the the first one
You're my one-and-only one
Come prima, come prima,
I'm in love

Come prima, più di prima, t'amerò
Per la vita, la mia vita ti darò
Sembra un sogno rivederti, accarezzarti
Le tue mani tra le mani stringere ancor!

Il mio mondo, tutto il mondo sei per me
E a nessuna voglio bene come a te...
Ogni giorno, ogni istante, dolcemente ti dirò:

Come prima... più di prima.... t'a-me-rò!

il mio mondo.. it reminds me of you.
first on my list and first for alot on my list.

MUACKS!
happy anniversary love.

2006-09-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

ok i don't know what is going on in the heads of people who set the word limit for report assignments, but i can tell you for sure that it's pretty much stupidity going around in there.

why? you ask.

for our social report, it's a 1000 words including
introduction
methods
results
discussion

whilst for our cognition report
it's 1500 words for just
introduction
discussion

stupid right?
even my tutor had gripes with that.

and for biology.. with a 1000 word limit.
they have an unnecessarily comprehensive and utterly useless list on penalities regarding the word limit: i have reproduced this word for word.

2. OVER WORD LIMIT
751-800 words - 0.5 marks
801-850 words - 1.0 marks
851-900 words - 1.5 marks
more than 900 words - 2.0 marks

1001-1050 words - 0.5 marks
1051-1100 words - 1.0 marks
1101-1150 words - 1.5 marks
more than 1150 words - 2.0 marks

the wonderful thing about this stupid list is that there is no explaination as to the mark deduction system, so it's effectively usesless.

ok so we know it's a 1000 word essay so if i write 999 words i get a 2 mark deduction? so according to the list i'm better off writing 751 to 800 words cause it has the least penalities.

well that's what it's implying so i better write EXACTLY 1000 words lest i get penalised for that.

seriously. WTF!

oh yes and did you know that i'm extremely fluent in french to the extent that the school of biology holding my mastery of french in such high regard has given the students a pysiological reading for the above stupid biology report IN FRENCH!

thank you, thank you. i'm so flattered that you think so highly of my ability in other languages. merci beaucoup!

2006-09-09T13:09:00.000+08:00

things i really hate.

someone who asks for my advice which took slightly more than an hr and a half, then bloody f**ks everything all up by doing exactly everything i said NOT to do.
then comes back later to waste my time asking for more advice, then goes back and does the exact same thing.

seriously WTF that super peeves me off.

or asks for a whole playlist of my songs then listens then keeps listening it to it in bits and pieces, not just 1, 2 songs but my WHOLE FREAKING PLAYLIST. it's bloody annoying.

if i'm blowing up cause of this, it's cause i've good reason to

2006-09-09T09:07:00.000+08:00

random thought:
whenever i listen to 'a public affair' i feel really dumb (ditzy dumb) not in the sandra way but in an infruiatingly stupid way.

2006-09-08T09:32:00.000+08:00

The very first song I could recall listening to was rhythm of the rain. Admittedly it was on a little white plastic portable gramophone that you pop in the glittery transparent plastic discs and press the colourful primary-coloured buttons to operate it.

anyway that song spurn me on to wish that one day, the love of my life (give me a break, i'm trying to write this from my thoughts and memories as a 4 year old) would write a masterpiece of a song about and for me.
through the years, i gathered songs that was like how I wanted my song to be along the lines of.

one more try - a1 (quite possibly my most fave soppy song)
if i can't have you - a1 (for sentimental reasons)
angels - Robbie Williams (the lyrics are so beautifully poetic)
the way you look tonight - Frank Sinatra (to appeal to my vain and whimsical old-fashioned side, like it since I was 12ish)
always on my mind - Elvis (see previous entry)
back for good - take that (the best and only good song by take that)
na sera 'e maggio - patrizio (when I'm all emotional this song can bring tears to my eyes, see the entry about this song)
cigarette lighter love song - marvelous 3 (makes it into an almost epic love song)
have I told you lately - rod Stewart (one of my earliest childhood songs)
blue - best in me
an jing - jay Chou

the songs are not in any particular order, except for patrizio, I just really like the number 7 and maybe 1 cause it really is one of my most fave songs.

haha yes that list is going in to the 'songs i wanted to be played at my wedding' list.

off-note: when I was 9 and had my van Gogh book I wanted a masterpiece of a picture painted for me, when I was 12 I wanted a pretty sculpture to be done of me, thus the name of my blog la petite danseuse.

2006-09-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

i had a really crappy day.

really crappy.

couldn't sleep so i was up at 530, after a while i was all ugh.
i wasted a perfectly good rainy cloudy day which is finally cold enough so it's comfortable when i snuggled under my quilt to sleep but.. noOo i just HAD to wake up didn't i!

then went for a shower, WHO THE HELL IS UP AT THIS TIME SHOWERING!! so had to walk all the way to the other bathroom.
but maybe that was a good thing, i could have a nice warm relaxing leisurely shower in the magnificent white glistening marble bathrooms.

walking back from the bathroom when i dropped my stuff onto the floor IN FRONT OF SOMEONE.
my soap skidded out of its little soap box and went BLEAHAGHALGH onto the CARPET smushing about half of itself onto the grimy carpet.
it was runied so i had to chuck out a relatively new bar of soap which could have lasted me till the end of the year.
*annoyed*

so decided since it was still dark out, i would snuggle under my sheets listening to patrizio, he makes everything better ah sigh!

OH OH remembered that there was supposed some details about patrizio's second album forever begins tonight that was out. so eagerly got onto his website, ooOooOo what could possibly be on this cover?

gonna be very hard to live up to his first album cover, but with a voice that gorgeous and a personality to boot, i was all up! perhaps he'll use the black and white close up, his head tilted whilst mulling over something looking ever delectable.

SHOCK AND HORROR!
OMG OMG like OMG!
what is THAT on the cover!??!?!

the first thing is saw on the cover was his nose! it was very ROMAN!
ie VERY ROMAN EMPEROR!
did a mental roledex of all the roman coins, think his side profile resembles augustus.

well patrizio is the epitome of the stereotypical gorgeous italian men, you know. the whole italian god.
even ness and i had a couple of enjoyable digs about his 'that's amore' music video, it being so stereotypical of italians.

BUT WHY MUST HE HAVE AN ALBUM COVER THAT SCREAMS HORRORBEBLE INJUSTICE TO HIS GOOD LOOKS! it's too ROMAN!

okay me studying ancient roman history for the past 2 years, you know i LOVE everything roman.

i adore all things roman. my passion for all things italian cause of my ancient history background. like dean martin (ie dino paul crocetti) more than francesco sinatra, traditionally done pasta, limoncello, proscuitto, cured meats, roman mythology, roman ruins, italian artists, EVERYTHING! honour, the ideals of the ancient world. their love of their rich history and culture. everyone (esp the men) so sharply dressed, they are just oozing class without being overly pretentious cause they're simply so down to earth. they care about things that really matter. la dolce vita. oh man don't get me started on their love for food! man even their mafia is pretty admirable, if you can put the violence aside, underlying everything is the food, love, family, togetherness.
it's just the most idealised place i would love to live in. cause the old school aspect really does appeal to me. knowing me don't you think that i'm more italian than anything??

ah italia - it's so romantic. they examplify love at its greatest. everyone is just so full of life. so much more so than france which is so much more pretentious.

to the extent that i even refused to talk to ishy for a whole dinner when she said that the nobility of roman deaths were overrated and 'it so shit, so who cares about it'.

but THIS, BUT THIS! i draw the line at.
why must they take a side profile picture of him that belongs more on ancient coinage than on the cover of quite possibly one of the best albums in history?
(the first place obviously goes to his debut the italian)

they have a whole load of good FLATTERING pictures of him all over his website, so whatever in the world possessed them to put THAT on the cover.

as a result of this horrific discovery of what i hold in such high regard, i slumped back to bed depressed. even playing the best album ever released didn't help, neither did listening to his concert recordings do anything for me, cause he was one of the things that was making me very upset today.

in spite of all this, i'm still looking extremely forward to the day i can get my tiny pretty hands on his album and drive everyone sick of listening to him over and over and over and over and over again.

yay! this is the song list on the album as far as i know.

forever begins tonight (i have more than half the lyrics memorised after the concert)
let's make love (STOP gagging on that title!)
angelo (robbie williams angels cover in italian)
you don't have to say you love me
always on my mind

as ed can tell you the last 2 are my favourite two elvis ballads! ok not really, i prefered dusty springfield's original, elvis just sounds too elvis for you don't have to say you love me, but somehow i prefer that song being done by a guy instead.

but always on my mind is my all time favourite elvis tune. in sec 2 i played it alot, my friends were wondering what i saw in that song. wanted it to be played at my wedding.

ok admittedly, the time i really fell in love with that song was in an ally mcbeal episode when james marsden sang it for jenny as a birthday present. really do adore that song.

sigh ooh patrizio! why! oh why!

2006-08-31T19:40:00.000+08:00

ok i'm meant to be doing the stupid maslow essay but i'm really bleah over it.
thoroughly entertained watching nikki play pacman, i was squealing/shrieking/basically making "alarming sounds" (my dad's term) when pacman was was about to be surrounded and eaten by the ghost thingys. haha then i showed her the pacman prank video that ed showed me early last year.

damn it's funny.

2006-08-30T15:34:00.000+08:00

I've come to the conclusion that I get not so good hair days when I don't wash my hair right before bed time and sleep with hair partially damp.

my hair as just somewhat limp, shapeless sheets of black with the occasional bump which is masquerading poorly as a wave.

but this morning after I reverted back to my old sleep with damp hair routine, I see some semblance of curls! Albeit they're restricted to the bottom third of my hair near the ends. Hair is growing out =/ have to get my hair permed when I'm back in sg, but doubt that would be possible cause my mom's gonna kick up a big fuss about me 'forsaking my nice polished naturally straight hair to look like some washed out 50's star'.

very complimenting isn't she.

she's probably give in when I mention that I'll go to HER hairdresser to get my hair done. Otherwise I'll have no end from her incessant nagging about how the more 'young hip and trendy salons you [stupid/mindless/wasteful/stupid/frivalous/extravagant] teenagers go to' are such rip offs.. etc...

then knowing her she'll compare me to Janet, and me hearing that comparison would actually give in to her, knowing that if she's resorting to comparing me to Janet.

it must REALLY be bad

2006-08-27T05:33:00.000+08:00

You Should Date An Italian!

You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy
An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming
If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him
Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

haha someone's gonna get jealous!! *singsong*

2006-08-23T20:46:00.000+08:00

i did another version of the quiz which country would be the best for you to work in and it said paris.

with all the art galleries and culture. obviously. =)

but it was apparently somewhat against my personality, i might like the sophistication but it's the small simple things in life that i so appreciate and only the novelty has worn off paris might be too overwhelming with it being overly glamarous.

something along the lines which seriously you all would agree that very true.

2006-08-23T20:45:00.000+08:00

edfworjflkowsdmvmaggagaggh!!

*waves arms around frantically* can't talk!

bity tongue! bloooud gushhing! not really!
but can taste bloody!

2006-08-23T19:30:00.000+08:00

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city girl with a small town heart
Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome
Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand
And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

What City Do You Belong In?

2006-08-23T19:29:00.000+08:00

THAT IS SO TRUE!!

2006-08-23T02:37:00.000+08:00

Your Career Personality: Original, Devoted, and Service Oriented

Your Ideal Careers:

Art director
Book editor
College professor
ComposerGraphic designer
Novelist
Stage actor
Psychiatrist
Writer

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

Film director

2006-08-22T12:34:00.000+08:00

some sardonically twisted Aunt Abby gone wrong and very humourous indeed.
i stumbled upon this in the mag that came with the weekend paper. think it was called good weekend, something along those lines.

Danny Katz answers readers' questions about 21st century ethics, etiquette and dilemmas.

did they urn my respect or was it just pier pressure?

QUESTION
Recently I was enjoying a spot of fishing off a local pier. A group or about 12 people came with an urn then tipped ashes off the side of the pier. Am I required to bring in my line as a sign of respect to the dead?

DANNY KATZ:
Unless you're a sailor or a mermaid or some blue green algae I don't know why anyone would WANT to be scattered at sea. I mean the ocean seems like such a scary and forbidding place to spend the rest of eternity - I'd much rather have my ashes scattered somewhere cosy like a kiddies sandpit ot between the loose cracks in my living room floorboards so I could finally stop that damn squeaking.
Still I suppose people have the right to be scattered anywhere they like but grieving relatives really need to consider a few things before they start tipping cremation urns into any waterside place.

For instance there's the issue of location: human ashes should NEVER be scattered at a busy public beach or off the high diving platform at an Olympic pool or anywhere near sewage treatment plants unless you want your dearly departed to wind up in a biosolids filter.

And weather conditions need to be considered too: there's nothing worse for a family than gathering on a bleak winter's day huddling on the edge of a seaside pier and with great solemnity and ceremony tipping their love one into the swirling briny ocean - then having a great gust of wind blow the ashes right back into their faces so everyone's coughing and choking and kids are running around going ahAAAhh I can taste grandma, AHHHH!
...

(skip skip skip some parts of the article...........)

And in answer to your question yes all fisherman should reel in their lines with human remains are being scattered nearby but not so much as a sign of respect - more just because you don't want to be catching any flatheads with that distinctive deliciously smoke Uncle Kev flavour.

2006-08-22T03:39:00.000+08:00

You Are 45% Vain

You're a little vain, but more than anything you have a healthy amount of confidence.
Thinking the world of yourself is great. Just don't think less of those who aren't as pretty as you!

How Vain Are You?

2006-08-21T04:08:00.000+08:00

Brothers and sisters are natural born enemies! like englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damned Scots! They ruined Scotland.

-Groundskeeper Willie, from the Simpson

a line that isn't all that funny but i find it hilarious.

2006-08-18T01:10:00.000+08:00

Alex, Sam, phip and I went out for dinner after discovering that dinner at sancta was 'the worst dinner EVER' (Alex) and that says a lot coming from her.

so there we were whispering conspiratorial at the soup cauldron, discussing possible dinner choices. yay last night shopping tonight so everything would be open till late.

Sam had a hankering for for sushi, she wanted to go to tomodachi (means friendship in jap) at Broadway. But town was chosen after Alex suggested we pop by max Brennan: bald man (which is the biggest rip off artist I know) for dessert.

brought them to 'express sushi train' in town which tomo had introduced me to, man the servings in sg are beyond pathetically pathetic when compared to aussie.
when Edgar brought me out for sushi buffet at cine, I was startled and absolutely indignant about the massive difference in serving size of the sashimi or whatever condiments (?) on the sushi.
the servings in sg were so.. anemic.
end up eating at long johns since we adore the chips there.

ANYWAY sushi train was packed, waited for 10 mins.
Alex had fried kisu (whiting) tempura, prawn tempura, and another 2 things I can't remember, she really doesn't like fish and cites tempura as one of her fave foods.
Sam got the avocado asparagus sushi, something else with avocado, karagi chicken and fried fish skins (which I finished off since she was too full, but I really enjoyed them)
phip ate 5 plates of vego options.
I ordered 2 karagi chicken and 3 unagi.
all of us got bottled fruit juices which I must say I really did like. probably cause it was all full of sugar and nothing much else.

talked about a whole myriad things, mostly about Freud,
sexuality (not sex per se),
swaroski crystals,
'wholesale' discount shops, basically those Singapore 2 dollar shop equivalents in aussie.
stalker behaviour/OTT boyfriends/bunny boilers,
ratio of sheep to people in new Zealand which is 6:1. then Alex bringing up my sheep shagging joke.

when we were talking about swaroski crystals, I had this random flashback of my dream where I was in lower octa in my white bathrobe and quickly pulling on my pale yellow trackies as soon as I heard someone approaching.

then trooped over to baskin robins (YAY) for old school American ice cream. it still beats gelato, so much creamier and the flavours are more interesting.
Alex had single scoop of praline.
phip had some chocolate based thing.
Sam had the audacity to ask if she should get a single cone or the sundae special which consisted of 2 scoops of your choice on a brownie base topped with hot chocolate and whipped cream.
to which we chorused in unison ' duh, sundaaaaaae! of course!'
I settled on mocha Jamaica and chocolate chip cookie dough.
fabulous combination.
was tempted to get a whole tub but decided against it in light of the recent spate of food theft against me.

my krafts singles cheese I have counted that they stole 21 out of 32 slices I had. taking 13 in one shot. hello! BLEEDING OBVIOUS!
the chiraz sorbet was the worst man.
HORRID HORRID COLLEGE PEOPLE!!
I don't care much for the milk since I nip it from the kitchen anyway.

ok to condemn them for stealing would make me a hypocrite as most of you would be aware of my more illustrious past.
okay so I have stolen a pair of shot glasses from the establishment. but man for the price we pay for a shot the least we could do is get to keep the glass! likewise for airplane stuff like socks/eye patches/magazines/newspapers.

but I draw the line at who you steal from.
establishment is fine cause it's a large money making corporation (ok corporation is a gross exaggeration but it's all I can think of right now) but they make loads, but that's not the thing.
the thing is that there you can't put or there isn't a human face to the victim.
my philosophy about larceny/theft is that you don't steal from other people cause somewhere your action directly affects someone. Leaving them upset once the initial anger has passed, I know how it feels.
hmm maybe that's good cause

so you all don't have to worry about me stealing from you guys.

I think I can attribute this code of mine to the time where the consequence of my theft did have a human face.

my mom.

it's a rather personal experience, but somehow I can truly say that it has shaped who I am.

2006-08-17T22:32:00.000+08:00

at the bus stop we met eva, thomo, sara van. all on their way to the 'chopper cruise'.

all three of them were decked out in yards of gold sateen with free falling layers in the centre(something like how you would style your towel) and several layers of gold coins loosely hanging around their necks, reminded me of those chocolate gold coins ness and i used to have when we were younger.

they weren't in much else besides lots of body glitter and thongs (haviannas).
the theme of cruise party was 'sea world'.

so i casually asked 'are you all sirens? all look very pretty and sparkly'.

then sara van quipped 'ooooh sirens, good one. we should use that. but no, we're buried treasure.'

ahhh
that would explain the gold coins.

she turned to the other two and suggested they should say they're dressed as sirens.

man they're gonna be getting lots of lewd and suggestive (def cheesy) innuendos when they tell people what they were meant to be.

reckon it would along the lines of:

buried treasure eh.. yes i can see the nice chest it comes in/has/comes with.
buried treasure eh.. want me to dig you out?
buried treasure eh.. i could bury the family jewels in you
buried treasure eh.. want to see my family treasure?
buried treasure eh.. i could help unearth you
buried treasure eh.. i've got the key to unlock you right here (motions to his nether regions)
(something really crass like) so is the treasure dry or wet?

hmm always thought sara van's really pretty, she's so sweet and nice as well.

eva's the treasurer, for a while i did consider running for that position but was put off by the fact they have to attend house meetings EVERY week, go for all intercol meetings and lots of beauractic meeting rubbish.

so no thank you. but i'm still very keen on food sec.

i'm extremely passionate on improving the quality of food.

quite honestly i'm perfect for the job.

it entails having the girls liason with me about anything pertaining to food, their concerns and complaints.
liason with the kitchen staff, it bodes well that i've good relationships with them and liked by all in the kitchen.
in charge of decoration for special occasions like halloween, mother-daughter, father-daughter any sort of special luncheons, christmas dinner.

the thing that really that made me so keen on the job was the last point. i've got plenty of creative ideas already.
helps that i watch lots of discovery travel and living. argh i was so annoyed that as soon as i was leaving singapore they were going to start this series on some guy's decorating and entertaining show.

i love those sort of shows where they have such creative ideas for decorating and enteraining. part of my secret ambition is to be a socialite wife where i can host dinner parties. not huge ones, i like small intimate ones where people can truly mingle with each other and not feel lost or overwhelmed by the sheer size of all the guests.

i know some might be offended that i stated socialite wife, probably going in some of your heads, she doens't have to be married to host dinner parties etc. but somehow i rather like the idea of having a husband or at least a significant significant other at my small dinner gatherings. adds more of a homey feel, you know quiet domestic bliss without being all housewife-ish.

some feminists who would be outraged and object to someone who potentially would have degrees in psychology and another one in art history (and hopefully honours in psychology and some other postgraduate), being audaciously reduced to some mindless subseviant domestic slave instead of fufilling my potential. think mona lisa smile.

uuh to placate feminists hey i could be like angelina jolie from mr and mrs smith (well career wise of the character anyway).
be a fabulous housewive as well as succesful stockbroker or in my case museum curator or academic.

to quote samsung:

it's not that hard to imagine.

2006-08-17T00:36:00.000+08:00

desk lamp's light bulb has blown.
have to replace soon.

wondering when the pretty dresses would be here by.
i love pretty dresses cause more often than not i look pretty in them.

brain's turning to mush right now.
all the bleeding's college's fault.
decided to have a stupid fire drill of all days.
at 6 freaking 30 in the morning i had problems sleeping the night before.
had barely gotten to sleep for 35 mins when there was an unusually suspicious beeps before the 'fire alarm'.
at the back of my head, suspected that it was a drill rather than a an actual fire.
was right.
but already too awake to go back to sleep.
ending up messing my entire sleep system.
so missed ancient history lecture, which to my horror peter DID NOT manage to record.
am screwed.
don't know what's going on in ancient history.
very very lost.
need heaps of help.

very sleepy now.
can't go to sleep yet cause i haven't showered
going to sleep uncomfortably on the floor now.
if i shoower i'll be less sleepy.
night.

owdsad

2006-08-16T20:49:00.000+08:00

quote that i find more amusing then it really is.
it's the way it was said that made it funny, well to me anyway.

christina's husband isn't worthy of her..
instead she should marry ME!

-ed

2006-08-16T01:15:00.000+08:00

the only saving grace of Freud.
from his 1931 paper on female sexuality.

in adulthood, the original wish for a penis changes into a wish for a man and thus puts up with the man as an appendage to the penis.